** Born From My Heart

Where Has the Time Gone?! Birth Story - Finally!

2012-03-03T22:10:00.000-05:00

Well Trevor is 9 months and 1 week old today and it occurred to me that I hadn't yet posted his birth story! I guess now is as good a time as any. I do think though that part of me may have avoided this just a little in the early days because, well, it wasn't exactly what I had pictured it would be and that made me a little sad. No matter though. He arrived, he was/is gorgeous and is a healthy little man.

As postings leading up to his birth (and Reagan's too) show, their birth mother does home births and has a history of interrupted labors. Basically what that means is the first stage of labor begins and then stops at some point before the second stage. In a hospital setting, if the mother is in full-term range, Pitocin is frequently used to continue labor. In a home setting, no interventions are normally done. The body is allowed to decide on its own when and if labor will progress. So, several times before his actual birth, labor began and then stopped.

The day of his birth (May 25, 2011) started with the mid-wife's assistant going to the birth mother's house to check on things and see how she and Trevor were doing. She was going to do a membrane sweep to help things get moving but his head was a little high and she wasn't able to. Her parting words were - I don't think he's coming in the next few days. At this point the birth mother was 40 weeks and 2 days so there was still time for him to remain safely inside. Later that evening the birth mother called and said she had started minor contractions again and wanted to let me know. We all decided to wait and see if things progressed but I really didn't think they would. The midwife told her to call if the contractions got stronger and she was no longer able to talk through them.

About an hour or so later the birth parents called again and said contractions were still present but the birth mother and I were talking and laughing together on the phone so we still weren't thinking he was coming anytime soon. I told them to call me if anything changed or if the midwife decided we should all head over. I then went back to working on some stuff for work that I wanted to complete before I took some time off for his birth. Just as I was finishing up the work, around 11:30 that night, the birth father called and said that the birth mother was extremely uncomfortable now and that I should probably come over. He said he was also calling the midwife to come as well.

I put my work away, went to gather the baby bag and car seat and then went to the bathroom before I left. As I was in the bathroom, the phone rang again and the birth father said, "Her water just broke!" To which I immediately replied, "OH SHIT!" I lived only a few minutes from their house but I just knew I wouldn't get there in time. Her births are super fast once her water breaks. I swear those babies surf out! I flew out of the house and did about mach 4 on the roads there praying I wouldn't miss it and praying I wouldn't get pulled over on my way. Would have been hard to convince a police officer that I was having a baby any second!

I pulled in their driveway a few moments after the midwife herself did and my car clock said 11:59pm. I grabbed the baby bag and sprinted through the door. As I entered the birth father called out, "Dawn?" I said, "Yes, it's me. Is he here?" As I walked to their bedroom he answered, "Yes, he arrived at 11:55. You just missed it." I was heart broken that I had missed it and really beat myself up for weeks afterward about not having gone over sooner just in case. But as soon as I entered the room and saw him, I was filled with nothing but love at the first sight of him.

As it turned out, none of us made it in time! The midwife and her assistant got there just after he had made his grand entrance into the world. She had just cut the cord before I walked in. She couldn't wait for me because apparently at some point during the pregnancy he had flipped and turned enough to knot his cord. We all were fearfully amazed by this and said some extra special prayers of thanks that his knotted cord did not cause him any dire issues.

The picture is a little blurry but that right there is a complete perfect knot. The could-have-beens are so scary! Thank God it wasn't too tight to allow him nourishment.

We unbundled him so that he could be thoroughly checked over. He didn't appreciate that.

He scored a 10 on his Apgar! And all the rest of his stats were great too although there was one potential concern noted that we checked out over the next couple of weeks. More on that in another post.

Then it was time for measurements. I just love the way this midwife weighs the newborns. 7lbs 10oz - big boy for this tiny birth mother!

His length was 20 inches long. Just 1/2 an inch taller than Reagan was at birth.

After everything was recorded it was time to get him dressed and spend some time snuggling while we waited for him to be released.

Then, at 3 1/2 hours old, he was officially released by the midwife and we packed up to head home. After a stop off at Aunt Dawn's house (she lives down the street and arrived at the birth parent's house shortly after I did), I came home to a silent house because in my mad rush to get out the door I had neglected to tell my husband (or my brother who was staying with us at the time) that Trevor was about to be born! Ooops! My husband wouldn't have been there for the birth anyway out of respect for the birth mother's lady parts privacy.

I took the few hours before the house woke up to stare at my precious son and whisper sweet nothings to him and marvel that he was finally here. When my husband stirred towards morning I walked in to the room with Trevor and boy was that a moment of confusion for him! He had to blink a few times before he realized that I was, in fact, standing in front of him with our son.

Once Reagan woke up I took him into her room for the introduction. She was quite underwhelmed and matter of fact about it and promptly asked for breakfast! It took her a little bit to wake up and get excited about him. Their first picture together shows her level of interest. LOL

It didn't take her too terribly long though for her to start asking about him and getting interested and telling me that he was 'so tute' (cute).

She has been a great big sister ever since and we are so thankful that our family is now blissfully complete! So while I was sad for a while that I missed his actual entrance into the world, I am very thankful that I was there quickly after and got to bring home my wonderful, perfect, gorgeous son! We love you so much Trevor!

Pictures, Pictures and More Pictures

2011-07-29T17:29:00.000-04:00

I finally got around to getting professional pictures done of the two babies together. There was a special deal being run in our area and I jumped on it and promptly proceeded to spend way more than I wanted to anyway. Oh well. Here are the results from that session.

I know I am biased but my gosh these children are beautiful! :-)

FINALLY Bought a Carrier...

2011-07-01T17:50:00.000-04:00

Well after changing my mind 853,429 times, I finally bought a carrier. We've already been on several outings since Trevor's birth where I wished I had a comfortable carrier to use. I tried using the used Bjorn I got when Reagan was born and hated it just as much this time as I did back then. Then I tried my Mei Tei carrier and remembered why it too got packed away. I had already given away my slings since I hated them THAT much right from the first attempt to use them over two years ago (mostly for the same reason that most slings are not recommended for use - it always looked like Reagan was smushed in them and having trouble trying to breathe - too scary for me!)

Anyway, back in this post I thought for sure I had found my dream carrier and that my mind was made up. Well up until I actually buy something that I consider a large purchase, I research it to death. So, during one of those many mind changes, I had decided that here in hot Florida, I wanted an Ergo Sport...in blue. Black seemed too hot and the red seemed to obnoxious. Then I decided I really wanted to touch and try some of them before really deciding. Off to Macro Baby I went. If you live near or ever visit Orlando and you have babies, toddlers, are expecting or know someone with any of those, you HAVE to check out this store! They carry many European brands and have all of the high end brands for sale in the store for you to touch, try, see in person before you decide to spend the money, or just to drool, on them (like the gorgeous and sweet mac-daddy honest to goodness baby pram - for the low, low price of $1,200! - but man is it perty!)

Okay, back to my point. I tried on many of the soft-side carrier options available on the market and found out that I truly did like the way the Ergo felt the best out of all of them. And of the 3 Ergo versions, I was pretty convinced I like the Sport version the best for our hot weather. Gift cards in hand I searched through all of the Ergos in stock and could not find a blue Sport - all they had were red and black. Dejected I left without my carrier to see if I could find one on Ebay (not sure why I didn't just order from their site). Bid and lost a few and kept researching in the meantime. I read some more on the differences between the Sport and the Performance and after reading many user reviews and having tried on the Sport, I finally decided the Performance was actually the better one for our hot climate. Probably.

Back to Macro Baby I went, put on a Performance, plopped Reagan in it as my tester (as I had done previously on all the others) and walked around the store to see what I thought. She clearly loved this carrier from the moment I put her in it (not so much with some of the others I had tried before) and I was very pleased with how comfortable it felt. Gift cards in hand I took the carrier to the register and am now the proud owner of an awesome green - my favorite color! - Ergo Performance carrier. I can't wait to take them out in it this weekend! (so far I have just carried them around in the house). Hmmm...what to research next...

Wordless Wednesday - Sibling Love

2011-06-08T00:01:00.000-04:00

Reagan and Trevor after she woke up to find that her baby brother had arrived. :-)

He's Here!!!

2011-05-30T00:03:00.000-04:00

A longer post about his birth is coming but I wanted to get this up while I had a brief moment.

Born May 25, 2011
11:55 PM
7 lbs 10 oz
20 inches long

Perfect and beautiful in every way.

Our precious son, Trevor Michael. :-)

(More pictures to come!)

Dear Baby: Today is your Due Date!

2011-05-23T16:28:00.000-04:00

I cannot believe his due date is here! I still remember when the birth mother called to let us know she was expecting again. Today seemed so far away then but it really has come quickly. Our birth mother is still contracting on an irregular basis so it doesn't look like he is going to be a punctual one - which is perfectly fine because no one in our family is! Tomorrow the birth mother will be requesting a membrane sweep from the midwife and if the midwife is able to get there to do it then we will sit back and see if that helps things along. All I know is that his Grandma-to-be must be awfully relieved that he is now out of Taurus range!

Stay tuned....

I Rocked My Baby Last Night...

2011-05-20T13:52:00.000-04:00

My first baby. The one that was so nosy from just a few weeks old that she could barely stand to be cuddled and rocked. The one who used to wiggle and squirm when I tried to make rocking and reading a nightly ritual. The one who never seemed to enjoy it very much because she was just too busy and curious about her world.

Well last night she had a crying spell in her crib. She almost always goes to bed without a peep and she did at first last night but then stood in her crib later crying pitifully and begging us to let her out. We told her it was nighty-night time and to go to sleep and we'd see her in the morning but she wasn't having any of it and she wasn't calming down. Since this is unusual for her I decided to pick her up to comfort her. As I was pacing her floor with her she would vise grip my neck and climb my body each time we got near her crib. I asked her if she wanted me to rock her and got back a pitiful yes for an answer.

I took her into my room where the rocker is, gave her a blankie and sat in the darkness rocking my sweet baby girl. Her whole body instantly relaxed and she stayed snuggled into me completely content. It was pure bliss! We both enjoyed the quiet closeness and a bit later she asked for her bed and went right to sleep.

I love my baby girl!

39 Weeks Today!

2011-05-16T17:38:00.000-04:00

Our birth mother is 39 weeks pregnant today! I had to laugh at the ticker message that says - "Our baby is launch ready. Curled up with legs on the chest and knees against the nose." Today was the last launch of the space shuttle Endeavor so that was a cute coincidence. I was disappointed that it was too cloudy to see the launch from where I was but glad it went off safely. I am really, really, really going to miss the shuttle program. I've often jokingly threatened to go stow-away on a shuttle before launch and I have been known to say that if I ever win the Lotto I am having the check made out to the Russian Space Agency so I can hitch a ride to space! Aviation and space have long been special loves for me.

Tonight/tomorrow morning is the full moon for May. Maybe the moon can help make today the last Endeavor launch out of this world and the launch of our son into this world! Only time will tell. Stay tuned...

38 Weeks Today!!!

2011-05-09T14:36:00.002-04:00

Our birth mother is 38 weeks pregnant today! She's been in various states of prodromal labor for the past week. There was a period of high activity of contractions on Monday the 2nd and then again on Friday the 6th and we are just patiently waiting for that to move into active labor. He will come when he is ready and while I am beyond excited to meet him, I am also taking the time to cherish my remaining days as a mother of one. :-)

I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day. Mine was perfect. My husband got up with Reagan and kept her occupied outdoors while I slept until 12:30pm! I can't even remember the last time I slept that late! It felt wonderful because I was exhausted but then I had that sluggish feeling to get over from sleeping so long. Lunch and cards were waiting for me (because I insisted no gifts!) and my husband had set up the new inflatable pool for Reagan to play in. We all ate lunch and I lounged around catching up on some television while Reagan napped. After nap we all went in the pool and played for hours until we realized it was way past dinnertime. I decided on Chinese takeout (which I could live off of - alternating with Mexican of course) since it was too late for our original plans and by then Reagan was so exhausted she was asking "Go bed? Go bed?". It was an awesome day - did I mention my husband did ALL of the laundry in the house? Washed, dried, folded AND put away - I always struggle with the put away part. So, yeah, it was a wonderful Mother's Day for me.

Oh and I am hopping again today! Check it out.

5 Question Friday

2011-05-06T12:15:00.000-04:00

Woohoo! The weekend is here! We don't have any major plans yet except for going to hang out with one of my BFFs on her back porch (complete with pool and mac-daddy swingset!) on Saturday evening. Hoping that her awesome hubby decides he wants to watch all the kids in the pool while the mommies talk so that I don't have to put on a bathing suit. LOL For some reason I don't mind wearing a suit in mass public situations (beach, water park, etc.) but on smaller scales I get a little (okay a lot) self conscious.

The rest of the weekend is still up in the air. Who knows, maybe we'll have a baby!

Well it is time for 5QF with My Little Life so head on over and link up for some fun!

1. Have you ever had roommates?
Sure have. Some great and some not so great. My first semester of college I was put into a school-owned tiny 2 bedroom apartment with 3 other girls. No lie my mother nervously asked the school if I could be put with 3 boys instead. The person checking us in looked at her like she had two heads and said, uh, no we don't do co-ed housing. My mother responded - there is no way she is going to get along with 3 girls in a small apartment, she needs to be with boys for peaceful living, this is going to be a disaster. Well let's just say that by the end of that first semester I was moving into a non-school-owned apartment with 3 boys. And life was so much calmer after that for me. I did like one of my roommates from that first semester but the other 2 were just too much girl drama for me!

2. How many names do you/your children have? (i.e. Prince Charming William Phillip Arthur Louis John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt)
Legally Reagan has the standard 3 names - first, middle, last. She does however have many nicknames - Peek-A-Boo, MonkeyFace, TurkeyFace, Baby, Stinker - just to name a few.

3. Did you watch the Royal Wedding?
Not yet. I had to work so I DVRd it and just haven't had the time yet to sit and enjoy it. But I will!

4. What is the messiest room in your house?
Just one?!?! It is probably our living room - which is also concurrently Reagan's playroom. So there are always toys everywhere. Maybe one day we will be able to finish off the back room for the playroom.

5. What is your ideal mothers day?
Hanging with my sweet little girl while Daddy cooks crepes for breakfast and something yummy for dinner. Being an Infertile, Mothers Days WITH a child is such a huge gift unto itself and my heart aches for all the Mothers out there still waiting for their chance to spend one with a child.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone and Happy Mother's Day to all the lovely women who are already parenting and those still waiting to parent.

Any Special Needs Kids Resale Equipment?

2011-05-04T22:57:00.000-04:00

Reagan's birth brother Oscar was born with Spina Bifida. He lives with one of my BFFs and we are always out together doing things with the kids. Like the corn maze last November (because I love this picture of them!)

And playing at the playground (just look at his sweet face!)

Well one of the things we've learned about Spina Bifida is that even the specialists can't predict what each individual child will accomplish. There are ranges within each level of defect but those ranges are very broad. That is a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing is that the specialists don't tell you to only expect this or to never expect that. The bad thing is that the specialists can't tell you what to expect and when you are trying to figure out how best to help a specific child that can be intimidating. My BFF is always checking out new ways to help Oscar fulfill his potential and advocating for him and he has more than exceeded any of our expectations already. We believe he could go even further given the opportunity to try out different types of therapeutic and mobility equipment. The problem there is the expense. Insurance only covers so much and then you are on your own. He recently got some new wheels and immediately knew how to use them.

Well there are so many other pieces of equipment he could probably benefit from but we've been unable to find an affordable way to obtain those. We thought for sure there would be a network of equipment since the kids grow so fast but not even the regional spina bifida clinic had any leads on how to find outgrown equipment. So I thought I'd throw it out to the blogosphere and see if anyone has any ideas or leads they can share. Please feel free to share this post with others who may be able to help. Oscar is such a happy child and so loved and he certainly deserves every possible chance to maximize his abilities.

Thanks in advance for any help you can provide!

Want to Blog Hop?!

2011-05-03T19:44:00.000-04:00

Well then head over for Follow Me Chickadee!

And guess what?! Birth mom has had irregular contractions since late last night. They could progress into full labor or they could taper off until closer to his due date. We shall see but it sure is exciting!

Any Day Now!!!

2011-05-02T22:30:00.000-04:00

Today our birth mother is 37 weeks pregnant - officially full-term! Our baby boy's due date is May 23rd and that creates a pretty neat scenario. When people ask me when our boy might arrive I can say - just about any day in the month of May. He can safely arrive any time now and since the midwife likely won't want him going much past 41 weeks, there is an extremely high probability that his birthday will be, well, sometime in May! We are getting so excited to meet him. I just hope we are lucky enough that I am able to again be there for the birth. The birth mother has a history of short labor so I need to be able to get there quickly! I can't believe he is almost here!

National Infertility Awareness Week - Myth Busting All Over the Place!!

2011-04-29T15:59:00.000-04:00

Myth: As soon as you adopt, you’ll get pregnant.

Resolve is an amazing organization sponsoring National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) to shine the
light on this devastating disease. As their website states:

RESOLVE’s goal is to increase the conversation about infertility and to inform the public that:

*Infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age
*There are many ways to build a family
*Help reduce the stigma by bringing attention to the details/issues/costs surrounding all ways people diagnosed with infertility can build a family.
*Understand when to seek the help of a specialist

One big way this can be done is to tackle some of the myths associated with Infertility. I remember all too well how frustrating it was to try to explain to the people in my life what I was going through while actively trying to get pregnant. Virtually everything others tried to say to help ended up being hurtful and aggravating and only served to isolate me further with my pain that no one seemed to understand. And given that those things were generally said while I was also dealing with a particularly draining or painful treatment event did not make for a time when I felt like gently educating those around me. Usually I would instead snap and say something mean and then I had some nice guilt to pile on my already large load. I can remember one time standing paralyzed in the middle of my yard, utterly speechless (couldn't even find the words to tell my husband what was going on at the moment), completely dumbfounded (jaw-dropping dumbfounded) and sobbing over something someone had said. The tears were coming so fast and were so abundant that I couldn't even see - and I am not normally a cryer. By helping to educate others on Infertility, I hope to spare other Infertile folks some of those frustrating and painful conversations and moments. If more people understood the truth about Infertility and let go of the myths, the chances of saying something hurtful would decrease for sure. And trust me, the last thing an Infertile couple needs is more hurt.

So, here I go to bust a myth.

Myth: As soon as you adopt, you’ll get pregnant.

Resolve says Busted!: This is a myth! Adoption does not guarantee or ensure pregnancy, and it should not be used as a means to try and get pregnant. Pregnancy is a biological process, and a couple can not determine if and when they will become pregnant.

Let me expand on what Resolve says about this myth and have a little mini-rant too. Why someone would say this to someone else is just beyond my comprehension. So, John and Jane Doe have depleted their savings to go through many, many cycles of varying medical interventions to try to become pregnant. Clearly those doctors didn't know what they were doing because the obvious solution is to adopt since that is most definitely part of the biological equation necessary for a successful pregnancy. All those people out there with biological children without adopting - yeah, you all are freaks of nature! You should have had to suffer for months and years of failed cycles to then be placed under someone else's judgement of whether you are worthy to raise a child before being allowed to adopt and THEN you can get pregnant. On second thought, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Not that adoption isn't a wonderful and beautiful thing - it just isn't the cure for the infertile body. Adopting won't fix what is wrong inside the reproductive parts or the endocrine system or the many other causes of infertility. Adopting won't magically set the stage for a successful pregnancy. Adopting simply builds or expands a family. Whether the infertile couple goes on to experience a successful pregnancy or not has no correlation to the adoption itself. I didn't go into adoption expecting to get a pregnancy out of it. I wanted a baby - I wanted to be someone's mommy - I didn't care how that child came to be. And to excitedly insinuate that a pregnancy could result from an adoption is like insinuating that adoption is second best and that the mother won't be a bona-fide mother unless she births a child and thank goodness she adopted so that she could finally get that elusive pregnancy and be a true mom.

Oh we know that isn't what you meant but that sure is how it feels. I mourned pregnancy because I wanted the experience of it, of birth, of nursing. I wanted the sickness and the aches and pains and sleepless nights and waddling walk. I wanted to feel a baby move and kick and tumble inside of me and push my belly outward. I wanted to have that baby all to myself for 9 months before giving birth and finally seeing the face of the child I carried. Genetics never had anything to do with it. I was already in the habit of collecting up family members that had no genetic ties to me anyway and I never felt like that was a requirement to be family. I still hoped for the chance to grow our family through a successful pregnancy but I certainly didn't think Reagan was going to be my magic key to the pregnancy and birth experience. And guess what? She wasn't. And neither will her soon to be brother. And that's ok. Because I get to be their mommy and that is the best thing in the world!

I do hope others will take a little time to become better educated about Infertility. Knowledge and understanding really go a long way to helping to support your friend, family member, coworker, neighbor, etc. who may be infertile. A great place to start is here - http://www.resolve.org/infertility101. For more information about the background of National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW), visit: http://www.resolve.org/takecharge

Thanks so much for reading!

5 Question Friday - The Weekend is Here!! Woohoo!

2011-04-29T11:58:00.000-04:00

I am doing two separate blog posts today. One for 5QF and one to participate in National Infertility Awareness Week with Resolve. If you'd like to join in the 5QF fun, head on over to My Little Life and play along!

1. If you could buy any car, money not an option, what would it be?
I am so boring anymore with cars. Anytime I've ever tried to buy something other than a Honda it has been a disaster for me. So, I stick to those. As for the model I am currently coveting? The Odyssey - yup, I admit it - I actually WANT a minivan. One of my friends and I frequently do things together out and about with our kids and sometimes we have to take two cars to fit the kids and our stuff. As soon as my little boy is born we will always be taking two cars unless we leave a kid behind at home. But, if I had a minivan then we could still go all in one car! Oh it is the little things. LOL

2. What was your worst first date ever?
It has been so long since I've had a first date and none of them were particularly horrific so I had to think about this one. I suppose it was the time I agreed to go out with a guy that I wasn't really attracted to and didn't have much in common with but decided to give the date a try anyway. It was such a loooooong first date and I was so bored and I kept trying to figure out a way to end it without completely hurting his feelings but he kept talking on and on and on about future things he had planned for the two of us to do and all I could think was GET ME OUT OF HERE! After it finally ended he kept trying to set up a second date with me and there was just no way I was going.

3. How old were you when you fell in love for the first time?
I was in love a million times before I ever got into high school (there was Menudo and Ricky Schroeder and Kirk Cameron and Magnum PI and, and, oh boy I am dating myself here!) but I suppose my first true love was a boy I met in high school who I dated off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on throughout those 4 years. We were never one of those outwardly public couples and never could seem to get on the same page at the same time with each other but I did love him. Part of me probably still does just because he was the first to steal my heart. Haven't seen or heard from him in many years now.
4. When was the last time you reconciled your checkbook?
Don't ask - I am not sure I even know where my checkbook is.

5. If you were going to fashion a "Wanted" Ad for a best friend, how would you word it?
Must be non-judgemental, must not expect punctuality, must be flexible, must be able to laugh at the small, simple pleasures in life. Oh and lots of money to share would be awesome too!

Check back later for my Resolve post!

36 Weeks Today! - Registry Info as Requested

2011-04-25T12:23:00.000-04:00

Today our birth mother is 36 weeks pregnant. One more week until he's considered full-term and four more weeks until his due date! I can't believe how close it is getting. We are so excited to meet him.

I have had a couple people ask me if I was having a shower or if I had registered anywhere and if so would I post the info. As far as the shower goes - I don't think anyone is planning one for me and I wasn't exactly expecting one anyway. :-) I am, though, hoping to have a meet the baby party sometime after his birth so that everyone can see him. As for registering, I did register at the request of some others for gift ideas. I know I always appreciate having a list to pick from so I registered at Babies R Us and Target. On those registries is a 2nd choice carrier - 2nd choice to my ultimate wish of this carrier or this one.

With having two to take out very soon, a carrier that I can use for the infant or the toddler is at the tip-top of my wish list. I realize it is pricey though AND my 1st choice for carrier isn't available through either store so I put the 2nd choice on there as well.

So for those that asked, here are the links to my registries. Babies R Us and Target. Diapers, wipes and formula are all sure bets. ;-)

Have a great Monday all!

5 Question Friday - Weekend Plans

2011-04-22T11:11:00.000-04:00

Apparently little miss Reagan does not want a pretty proper lady-like picture with the Easter Bunny this year. Yesterday she scrambled away from her daddy, giggling, not watching where she was going and promptly tripped, turned and busted her bottom lip. Just a bit ago I got a call that she was running around outside with Uncle Uncle (what she has taken to calling my brother - if we tell her to say it properly she will but she prefers Uncle Uncle). She ran, telling him - can't get meeeeee - and proceeded to trip and bust her top lip. Today is the day I planned for bunny pictures. My little bruiser is going to be in a pretty little dress with pretty little sandals and a tough cookie busted mouth. LOL I think this is a little karma because it wasn't that long ago that I was discussing a baby product I saw and laughing at who would have to be so over-protective that they would buy THAT?!?! Hmmmm....not looking like the most ridiculous idea in the world anymore. But, no, I'm still not going to buy one. Instead, this year's bunny pictures will just have to showcase two busted lips.

Saturday morning we are off to an egg hunt - Reagan's first egg hunt actually. No afternoon plans just yet but there are a few ideas in the works. Saturday evening we are headed over to one of my BFF's house for some casual girl time. Easter morning we will go to sunrise service by the lake at our church and spend the rest of the day with family and friends. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and a joyous Easter!

Now head on over to My Little Life and link up for some 5QF!

1. What is your favorite Easter tradition?
The celebration of the resurrection at church. Even as a child the Easter service was so exciting to me. The church I attend now has a lake near the property and even though I am not an early riser, I love the sunrise service by the lake. It is just so beautiful.

2. Are you a "shower" or a "long, hot bath" kind of person?
I thoroughly enjoy a long, hot bath however I don't really have time for those anymore. For cleaning purposes though I definitely prefer a shower.

3. Can you parallel park and if so when is the last time you did it?
I suppose, given enough time and patience that I could parallel park but it has never been one of my talents. It was the only area that I lost points during my driving test - points were deducted every two minutes and when you got to like 6 or 8 minutes you failed the entire test. I passed but lost points. I can't remember the last time I actually parallel parked in its true form. Usually I start whining for someone else to take over for that part. Many of my IRL friends can attest to having had to take over for me.

4. What is your favorite Easter candy?
Favorite? Just one? I look forward to the hollow chocolate bunnies the most. Closely behind are Peeps, Cadbury eggs and the egg candy-coated malt balls.

5. Easter: do you go all out with the Easter Bunny or focus on the religious part of the holiday?
We do both. We look at the Easter Bunny and all the goodies as an extension of the happiness and joy that Jesus rose. Easter is a celebration and what celebration is complete without goodies?!

Happy Easter everyone!

I am SO glad to see THIS!

2011-04-19T16:47:00.000-04:00

I read an article today that I couldn't agree with more. It is an opinion piece titled Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps. If you have the time, please go read it. It's really good. I'll wait...

Did you read it? Are you saying hell yeah like I am?! This article speaks to so many aspects of my beliefs anyway that I was floored. First - personal responsibility. I am pretty big on taking responsibility for your part in things. I don't want to hear a bunch of excuses and have to walk through the dust cloud of someone trying to deflect blame away from themselves. If it is truly someone else's fault that will be clearly evident and you won't even have to say a word. So, for all the whining about companies making inappropriate items, it is ultimately the parents' failure if they buy it.

Oh and then the whole be a parent and not a friend thing. Can't even tell you how many times I've tried to get that point across to people. Who cares if your teenager hates you because of your rules - they are supposed to!!! That's kind of an indicator that you are doing a good job. LOL I fully expect Reagan to spew hateful things at me (or at least about me) when she is a teenager because I won't let her do something stupid or dangerous or inappropriate. And while the words themselves might hurt me in that moment, it is just not worth her future to try to be her friend first through her pre-teen and teenage years. I am her mom and sometimes the mom isn't popular. Oh well. I'll live.

So that brings me back to the subject of the article. Dressing little girls like little hoochie mamas. Not going to happen at my house. Now granted during my college years I had my share of hoochie mama outfits so that part doesn't bother me so much as how completely inappropriate it is for a child to dress that way. I dressed that way during college for one reason only - to attract the attention of males. I wanted the free drinks and the compliments and the sense of power. I however do NOT want males looking at my child that way. And they will - there are plenty of perverts out there. Enough so that I don't even feel comfortable letting Reagan run naked on the beach as a toddler and that stinks because every toddler should be able to run naked on the beach. That is their "Adam and Eve" time and shouldn't have to be sheltered because of a bunch of sick people. Anyway...

Reagan's bathing suits are all one pieces, tankinis or rash guards. I see those teeny tiny bikinis for sale and I just don't feel right about putting her in one. Sure they are cute but it has always made me uncomfortable to think of a little girl in a miniature bikini and how that somehow turns her into an object in some people's minds (not to mention added sun exposure). I see teeny tiny girls in little bikinis all the time here in Florida and it just isn't something I want for my daughter. I want her to be an innocent child for as long as possible and besides, I think traditional children's clothing is way cuter than any hoochie mama outfit any day!

5 Question Friday and PETA Response

2011-04-15T13:51:00.000-04:00

I am so glad Friday is here even though this week did go by pretty quickly for me. I have no real big plans for the weekend. We will be out all day on Saturday and still nothing yet planned for Sunday. Maybe I'll be able to knock off some of the organizing I want to get done - but then again, maybe I'll find something better to do. :-)

If you are looking for some Friday virtual fun, head on over to My Little Life and link up for some 5 Question Friday fun.

1. What is your favorite sign of spring?
Well living in Florida we get spring much sooner than most of the rest of the country. As much as I dislike birds and they dislike me, I do love to watch the mating rituals and listen to the chirping as they pair off. We have a cardinal pair living in our yard right now and they are hilarious to watch.

2. What was your best birthday ever?
Oh this is easy - it was my birthday in 2009. It was my first birthday as a mommy (finally!) and my husband and I went to Epcot for the day with Reagan - her first Disney trip at 5 months old. It was so cool to wear my birthday button and have so many random people say happy birthday throughout the day. One lady who worked in The Land building sang me this beautiful birthday song in Spanish. I could have listened to her sing all day.

3. What is your favorite dessert?
It is a toss up between any sweet banana treat and any sweet chocolate treat. Mix the two together though and we have a winner!

4. What is the best excuse you've ever used to get out of a ticket?
I've never offered an excuse for being pulled over. I've always instead tried to be super polite and contrite to hopefully get off with a warning. One big escape that comes to mind was once during college I was pulled over in an area that was notorious for speeding tickets. When the officer came up to my car he said, "Well I had started to let you go by but then you hit that 10 mph over mark just before I turned the radar off.". My pure reaction was an incredulous "Are you SERIOUS?!?!?" along with a sarcastic "Way to go me!" That made him laugh so hard that he ended up giving me just a warning - and then he teased that I had better not tell anyone that I got a warning in that town since rumor had it they didn't even own warning books. LOL

5. Do you wake up before your alarm, with your alarm, or after hitting snooze several times?
Oy. I am really, really, really trying to get better at the waking up in the morning with the alarm thing and have made some progress but left to my own devices I will wake up after hitting the snooze button around 14 times. Even if it is across the room - I'll just get up, walk over, hit snooze, walk back to bed and go back to sleep. I was thinking my baby would become my alarm clock but she loves to sleep in as much as I do. :-)

And now, only because I promised, here is PETA's response to my email concerning their misguided tie-in to National Infertility Awareness Week. The good news is that the effort to get PETA to remove the tie-in that was led by Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed was successful and rather quickly too. So, my response from them is way late being posted but I did want to post it none-the-less.

From: Zoe Rappoport [mailto:ZoeR@petaf.org]
Sent: Saturday, April 09, 2011 7:31 PM
To: Dawn
Subject: EXTERNAL: RE: "Win a Vasectomy"

Dear Dawn,

Thank you for contacting PETA about your objections to our contest offering a free vasectomy; please allow me to respond for Ingrid. We are sorry to have offended you, and we have removed all mentions of National Infertility Awareness Week from our website. We understand that this was not a wise choice of words.

Our goal was to focus attention on the tragic suffering and death of homeless dogs and cats. Since the best way to prevent animal companions from having unwanted litters is to spay and neuter them, a kind PETA member offered to cover the cost of a vasectomy for one compassionate man who wants to get himself “snipped” just like his furry friend.

To learn more about our efforts to address the animal overpopulation crisis, please visit . Thank you again for contacting us and for the opportunity to share our thoughts.

Sincerely,
Zoe Rappoport
Correspondent
PETA Foundation

So there you have it. I am grateful that PETA didn't put up too much of a fight in removing the references. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Really PETA?

2011-04-07T11:35:00.000-04:00

As much as I love animals and support their humane treatment, I've never been a fan of the organizations that are more talk, pomp and circumstance than they are direct help for animals (PETA, Humane Society of the United States - NOT to be confused with individual local humane societies with actual shelters, etc.). I've often shaken my head at the tactics, antics and cultish behavior I've seen from such organizations. Well PETA has managed to touch a nerve with me and I had to speak up about it. Their latest campaign is Win A Vasectomy where " In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24 to 30), PETA will give one free vasectomy to a man who has recently had his companion cat or dog neutered." A voluntary vasectomy for a man I have no issue with. The neuter of a companion cat or dog is awesome. It is the "In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week" that ticks me off.

PETA says, "Human overpopulation is crowding out animal life on the planet, and dog and cat overpopulation is creating a euthanasia crisis that is a crying shame. Disappearing wilderness, vanishing water resources, and pollution is the price that future generations will pay for more human births, while losing their lives is the price that millions of homeless dogs and cats pay when guardians neglect to "fix" their companion animals."

Wow, PETA. Way to take a medical condition (infertility) and twist it for your own agenda. How insulting to over 7.3 million women aged 15-44 in the United States alone and countless others who are not included in those statistics not to mention the millions of men suffering from infertility. 7.3 million women in the U.S. alone. That is 7,300,000. Almost the equivalent to the entire population of Virginia. Only 12 states out of 50 have an equivalent population more than that. That is an awful lot of people to offend in one fell swoop with such a shameless bid for attention. We know, though, that to organizations like PETA any attention is good attention. But I digress.

In the interest of free speech and the recognition of opinions different from my own, I chose to question PETA from a slightly different standpoint. Hypocrisy. I joined up with others speaking up about infertility and against PETA with Hannah Wept Sarah Laughed and wrote my own letter to PETA.

This is what I wrote to Ingrid Newkirk and Carrie Snider of PETA:

I’m not sure if I am as shocked by this PETA “campaign” as much as I am disgusted. There are so many policies of PETA that I find misguided that this becomes just the latest in the string. I was part of the hands-on animal rescue community for many years spaying and neutering every animal I could legally get my hands on and then adopting them out to responsible owners so I do have the proper perspective needed to evaluate the policies of PETA. That being said, I’d like to focus on the hypocrisy of this latest ridiculous idea. I would like PETA to publicly publish the family and fertility status of each and every member of the organization. How many pushing this campaign already have children they birthed? How many have had themselves voluntarily made infertile? How many have or are in the process of adopting a child? How much money has PETA donated to offset the costs of an infertile couple to adopt? How much money has PETA donated to support an orphaned child? I do expect every organization to practice what they preach so please, prove to the public that all of the members of PETA practice everything they preach.

I will post any responses if any are sent. I am still shaking my head.

I think he might have a name soon.

2011-04-06T17:30:00.002-04:00

Recently I wrote about how we were having a difficult time naming the soon to arrive baby boy. Just for a little perspective, back when we got the call that the birth mother was pregnant again (about 10 weeks along) I announced to some of my friends that the baby was a boy and his name was Lucas. Throughout the next few months I would text out other announcements that it was a boy and his name was ____ where I would insert the name of choice for that day/week. For the first couple of months I went back to Lucas several times. My husband always said Duff. It started as a silly toss out name before we knew Reagan would be a girl and then he tried to convince me that he really did like it so he tortured me with it. It got dropped until we knew this baby is a boy and he started again. Only I think this time he really had himself convinced that he liked it.

Anyway, after the ultrasound confirmed that the baby is a boy we realized we really did have to agree on a name at some point. Lucas was no longer on the "short list" as I had discovered it recently became a top ten name. And I am just not a fan of using a top ten name. Which is generally a disappointment because I happen to like most of the top ten names. So, after going through several thousand names, my list looked like this:

Archer, Asher, Carson, Carter, Chad, Corbyn, Elijah, Hudson, Isaac, Jeremy, Landon, Mason, Nathan, Nathaniel, Parker, Roman, Ryder, Sawyer, Tyson, Zander, Zane

I handed the list to my husband, letting him know that my top 5 (at least at that point) were:

Zane, Chad, Nathan, Carson and Archer

The reason those were my top 5 that day was because he previously had told me that Hudson was not going to happen on one of the days that was my favored name. He responded that the only name he didn't hate on my list was Zane and that we could discuss that one further. Later. Apparently he meant much later.

Since the baby still had no name and we are approaching full-term, I went back to the drawing board and pushed aside my avoidance of top ten to come up with an alternate list (that still managed to include some from the previous list).

Liam, Logan, Hudson, Zane, Seth, Kevin, Ashton, Tyson, Leo, Aiden, Lucas

Tyson was really starting to grow on me, Zane remained a favorite, Hudson I still loved. Seth doesn't exactly flow with our last name but was a name my husband had mentioned back before we named Reagan as a girl so I added it to the list. And with pushing aside the top ten aversion, Lucas came back to the list.

Well shortly after making this new list, my husband announces that he will agree to Zane at the same moment that I decided that I really wanted a two syllable name and was going back to cross off the single syllable names. While I adore the name Zane and it is still a huge favorite of mine, something about it just didn't feel quite as though this was meant to be our child's name.

Last night, though, I do believe we came to a decision. I said a name that was originally on my mega-list (but I've omitted it from this post) that had previously been somewhat ignored and dismissed by my husband. When I said it last night and my husband repeated it in a somewhat shortened manner (to test out that potential nickname), both of us were shaking our head yes and he responded with - that is really kind of cool. So while he said it is now between that name and one of the repeat listed two syllable names above, I really think it is going to end up being the name I have yet to write. Because that is the name that feels so right for this baby and that feeling is what has been missing throughout all the other names we have discussed. And it is kind of fitting that last night was when all of this became clear to me. Last night marked 3 years since we lost my niece Emily so I had been thinking of her constantly all day long. I truly believe she named Reagan and I had been begging her to do the same with this new one so I am positive she made a special appearance last night to let me know the correct name for this baby and that she chose that particular time so I could be sure she helped. I really wish she was here with us in the flesh but I am sure glad that she stays so close - especially to my children.

So, stay tuned for the announcement of my little frog's name. We are getting so excited to meet him!

Future Decisions

2011-04-01T16:34:00.000-04:00

I read a blog post recently where a mom was trying to figure out whether her 5 year old son would benefit from a delayed kindergarten start and it got me thinking. The Florida kindergarten statute says that in order for a child to enroll in kindergarten, the child must have attained the age of 5 on or before September 1st. For Reagan, with a December birthday, she will be 5 years and roughly 9 months old when she starts kindergarten - so almost 6. At first I was upset by this because, after all, she is (in my completely unbiased opinion) brilliant and certainly doesn't need an extra almost year! :-) After a while though, I became glad that the decision was out of my hands - meaning that I simply am not allowed to send her during the calendar year she turns 5 so by default she will be older and more mature when she starts school and therefore less likely to struggle due to maturity issues. And if she ever whines that she is older than almost everyone in her class I can tell her to blame the state lawmakers instead of me. LOL

Well the next logical thought is uh-oh, baby #2 is going to have a May birthday and is going to be a boy and boys seem to struggle more than girls with the maturity required to sit and learn and now what am I going to do?!?! Per the statutes, he could start kindergarten the calendar year he turns 5 - at around 5 years and 2-3 months. That scares me. I don't want him to go just to go and while I may think he is ready he quite likely might not be. And if he isn't and I have him repeat kindergarten how might that effect his self-esteem? He's not even born yet and I am already seriously considering just waiting and having him start kindergarten at 6 years and 2-3 months when I know for sure he'll be ready. It is times like these when I wish they had staggered start programs. Say an August school year start for some kids and a January start for others. I'm sure the logistics of that, along with the cost, would be a nightmare but a girl can wish. But, I suppose it could be worse, he could have a June, July or August birthday to make my decision even harder.

I know we will cross this bridge when we come to it but I spend a lot of time mulling around ideas to best set my child(ren) up for success and trying hard to consider future ramifications of decisions that appear as simple as 'you are 5, go to school'. I guess I'll just stay open to both options for now and go from there.

Unexpected Expenses Stink!

2011-03-24T22:40:00.000-04:00

One of the not so fun sides of adoption is when you get blindsided by unplanned-for expenses. I think I am a little more sensitive to the money portion of it simply because one of the (many) biggest insults of infertility in general is how much it can cost to become a parent and that unfairness has aggravated me from my very first bill at the reproductive endocrinologist (fertility clinic). But we've dealt with it and moved forward regardless and somehow made it work.

Then I got a call this past Monday (not from the birth parents) and the gist of it was, oh by the way, we forgot to tell you about this expense and we'll be needing $2,300 before the birth. *GULP* We are less than 9 weeks away from the due date and you didn't think to warn me of this potential expense?!?! Awesome.

So, Saturday is phase one of fund raising with a yard sale. I have mounds and mounds and mounds of pink clothes that obviously won't be getting used again with the next baby so out they go. I have also been organizing stuff for the past year or so thinking I'd one day have a yard sale so out that goes too. Looking at the huge pile of stuff, we should definitely make enough to at least put a decent dent in that amount. After Saturday though, it is back to the drawing board to get creative for the rest. Thankfully they did agree to accept that amount in payments and to allow those payments to go somewhat past the birth considering he is due so soon. I would feel much better though to have it paid before and be done with it.

Like I said, unexpected expenses stink!

Do You HAVE to Name a Baby?

2011-03-19T11:21:00.000-04:00

Naming our soon to be baby boy is proving to be quite a difficult task. The names I love, my husband hates. The one name he keeps threatening me with is never going to happen so I really wish he'd stop bringing it up! LOL Naming Reagan was a piece of cake, Emily did it for us so all we had to do was follow along. I keep asking her to name this one too but so far she hasn't. So, I continue to throw out names and my husband continues to shoot them down and here we sit with less than 10 weeks until his due date and he doesn't yet have a name. To make matters worse, I seem to have a new favorite every other day although I have noticed two names that make repeat appearances as favorites so I am hoping to get my husband to agree to one of those. Ah well, maybe one day soon the little one will have a name. Stay tuned...

Opposites!

2011-03-10T20:23:00.000-05:00

Reagan is very into opposites right now. It is really fun to see what she knows. I had recently bought her a book on opposites and am extra happy to read it to her now that she's decided that is the topic of choice. We play the opposite game all the time. Her favorite is Up and Down. She'll say "Mommy, Mommy. Uuuuuup" and point her little hands up. Then she'll say "Doooooooown" and point her hands down. Then we giggle and repeat about 100 times. Earlier tonight she surprised me with a new one. She was sitting behind me on the couch and we were playing the fake scare me game (she thinks scaring and being scared are totally hilarious) when she gently pushed me forward. She said "Pushhhhhh" while she was doing it. Then she grabbed my shirt and pulled me back up saying "Pullllllllll". And we did that about 100 times (no need for crunches for me tonight! LOL). I am so impressed with how much she knows.

Another favorite of hers is on and off. That of course requires a light switch and a box to stand on to reach it. I am probably going to need to stock up on light bulbs until this phase passes. The on and off is my least favorite because she tends to like to start that one with off while I am trying to put clothes away or putting clothes in the dryer or anything else that requires me to have the light on. Oh well, watching her show off her knowledge is way more fun anyway!

I can't wait to find out what other opposites she knows but hasn't shown us yet.

Psssssst.....Wanna hear a secret?

2011-02-22T22:06:00.000-05:00

So I have a secret. A secret I've had since November. It's a pretty awesome secret too. A few people knew about the secret but not yet "the world". Keeping secrets is fun and frustrating at the same time. Thankfully something happened today and I don't have to keep the secret anymore.

I am sure that some people might have a few guesses by now. Probably had a guess or two just from reading the post title. Some may even be right but probably more are wrong than are right. But the ones that are wrong are most likely close, very close. This secret is so AWESOME and so perfect and I can't even believe how lucky we are. I am sure that by now y'all are thinking out with it already! So okay, out with it. I just wanted a little extra build up to fill the post preview. :-)

Back in November we got a phone call from Reagan's birth parents. They informed us they were expecting another baby due in May and that they want us to parent that child too! Of course we said yes and after that phone call I immediately began to panic a little about how I only have two arms and two hands and one extremely active toddler and how on earth was that going to work with adding a second. LOL The panic didn't last long and the seasoned parents that I told early on laughed at the memory of their own panic over the same thing upon learning #2 was on the way. From then on I've been so excited to add to our family and even more excited for Reagan and the new one that they would grow up together and that the fact that they are genetically related to each other will hopefully help them through those teen year identity crises moments that may crop up.

Well today, at 27w 1d we finally got to get the BIG ultrasound. It was wonderful and amazing and the baby is perfect. No anomalies were found, no evidence of neural tube defects, perfect looking spine, heart and other organs. The tech even processed a 3D picture for us just for fun. Look at this gorgeous face!

And of course the adorable profile in 2D.

And then, with a little cooperation from the baby, we were able to confirm what we suspected all along...

It's a BOY!!!! This pic is the best one we could get because he was positioned at an awkward angle and when trying to get the "classic" view the cord overlapped and didn't make for a great shot. It's definitely a boy though. We are so incredibly grateful for this pending arrival and can't wait to meet him...well in 10 - 13 weeks anyway! Now to trade off Reagan's outgrown pink stuff for some blue!

Five Question Friday!

2011-02-18T13:59:00.000-05:00

Woo-hoo! It's Friday!! I have a few small home improvements projects on my agenda plus making time for some fun this weekend. I hope everyone enjoys theirs!

Now on to 5QF with Mama M!

1. Have you worn the same outfit more than one day in a row?
Yup! Happens quite a lot on the weekends (well, as long as the clothes don't get gross from the first day). I tend to pick favorites and then I want to be in that outfit all the time. LOL

2. If you had to choose any LARGE city to live in, which would it be?
In or near? Does Orlando count?! LOL I suppose if it had to be IN a city larger than Orlando I would choose...um...hmm...(looking at a wikipedia list of the largest cities...Istanbul was Constantinople...) OH! Got it! Madrid! Definately Madrid. I love Spain!

3. Fly or drive with the kids on vacation?
Either/or is fine with me although my recent actual vacations involved both. Reagan and I flew to Maryland and then drove with my mom to the beach.

4. What is your idea of "spring cleaning"?
A big recycle bin to throw a year's worth of junk mail into and a big garbage can for the rest of the useless crap that accumulates.

5. What is the best book you have ever read?
I've read a lot of books that I really loved but the original Peter Pan as written by J. M. Barrie is the one I love the most. I actually own an original copy. :-)

Have a great one everybody!

Mother vs "Real Mother" vs Adoptive Mother

2011-02-17T16:57:00.000-05:00

Lately I have seen many news stories that identify the mom as the adoptive mother when it has zero pertinence to the story itself. That bugs me. It wouldn't bother me as much if every other story always identifed parents by HOW they became parents yet it seems the reporters like to throw in the term adoptive as if that makes any difference whatsoever. Occasionally that can provide added details to a story (as in, if speaking of the act of adoption) but usually it means nothing and most times it seems as if it is being used to discount the role of the mom or the bond between mother and child. When will they get it that the mom is the mom. Period. HOW she became the mom doesn't really matter.

The other irritating thing is when people ask a mom who became a mom via adoption about her child's "real" parents. Hmmm. Real parents? As opposed to fake ones? As opposed to make believe ones? Plastic ones? Cartoon ones? Paper ones? What other kind of parents are there? I know most people don't mean to strike a nerve but it would be nice if more people were able to realize that you ARE speaking to child's real parent and you are completely undermining that relationship and most likely really hurting that person's feelings. And try to pay attention to if the child is in earshot. How do you think that makes the child feel to hear their mom have her role discounted, albeit unintentionally? And depending on the level of understanding the child has of adoption in general, you just might trigger some major insecurities in that child.

Plus, most adoptive moms live with that fear of how they are going to feel the first time their child uses adoption against them. I've spoken of it here before when I was talking about feeling slightly rejected long before the teen years showed up and the 'I hate yous' started. After that post, several people came to me in regards to the "real mom" part of that and I realized that I may not have gotten my point across exactly. I AM Reagan's mom but I remember being a teenager and saying whatever awful thing I could think of when I was mad at my mom and I have no disillusions that Reagan won't go through that same stage herself and quite likely reach for the adoption card. Today I saw this post on another blog and was so glad to see that very topic being discussed. She does a great job of putting the situation into perspective and helping to ease that fear.

So, as with many other situations, try to think before you speak and if you aren't sure how to phrase something I'd much rather you tell me that and I can offer you some help. I've used that method myself with others in different situations too and the appreciation is evident.

Updates and New News

2011-02-14T14:37:00.000-05:00

Here are a few updates to catch me back up.

1. Reagan still has her paci for nap and night time (and during the occasional public meltdown). She went 3 nights without it and then began demanding it again. I probably could have forced the issue but we all know my soft spot for pacis and her dad is no help to be the strong one there either. So, maybe one day she’ll be paci free.

2. The diaper debacle. Well we seem to have found a combination that works. For nap and nighttime we put a Pull-Up on OVER her diaper (as opposed to instead of her diaper like we had tried) and make sure she is in a one-piece sleeper with the zipper pinned up. It’s a good thing that works because we were so tired of changing that crib!

3. I’ve learned not to ask Reagan open-ended ‘what do you want to eat’ questions because the answer that way is always “Chicken, fries!” Meaning of course, nuggets and French fries. Instead I give her a choice between 2 things or I just ask her if she wants the 1 thing. It was funny though, a few weeks ago my brother, “Unka Payyy” (Uncle Clay) and I took a window shopping trip to our local IKEA store. We had lunch first thing and I asked Reagan if she wanted chicken. Well Clay and I had been talking about how we couldn’t wait to get the Swedish Meatballs for days and she must have been paying attention because her answer was “No! Meatball!” It was hilarious. The best part though was she loved them too!

The New News

Reagan’s language skills are really taking off. She is still hard for some other people to understand but she says lots of small sentences these days. Something that I am impressed with is her ability to use the correct pronoun. If I ask her something using pronouns she does respond correctly most of the time. For instance, if I ask her “are you tired?” She will respond with “I tired”. In typical Reagan fashion, she skipped the pre-testing of pronouns where they get mixed up. It’s been her MO since infanthood. She never really practiced any milestones – she just did them and did them rather well one day out of the blue. She was always on the later part of the normal range but I wonder if that was from practicing in her head first until she was ready to put it to action. LOL One cute thing she does mess up is when we ask her what her name is. She’ll pat herself on her chest and say “My baby’s” instead of Reagan. Apparently we refer to her as My Baby more often than we refer to her as Reagan. She giggles too when she says it so I think she knows what she’s doing.

Then. Just yesterday she really impressed me. We were all out in the front yard and I was talking to her Daddy about how I’ve noticed that she has two common words for bugs. I said according to Reagan there are only two kinds of bugs in this world – anything that flies is a butterfly and anything that walks is a ladybug. She looks up at me from where she was playing and said, “Momma! Bees!” It was like, duh Mom, you forgot about bees. It was hysterical. I was just floored by the fact that she overheard our conversation, understood the context of the conversation and then corrected me where I was wrong. I think I need to start doubling her college savings!

Potty training – We are dipping our feet into potty training. I still think she is too immature for focused effort but one day a couple weeks ago she asked to sit on the big potty. I obliged and she quickly hopped down after a short time and nothing happened. I figured it was probably a good idea to get her a training potty to have available for any times that she might want to work on the training. The first night she was SO excited about her potty and wanted to run around naked so she could keep sitting on it and trying to go. Eventually that fun wore off and it became more fun to toss the ball into the potty instead. Despite many reminders that if she needs to pee-pee she should sit on the potty, she peed a big puddle next to the potty while playing with the ball in the potty. Now the potty sits in various spots of the living room being completely ignored. BUT, during bath time one night I caught that I’m-about-to-poop look on her face and I plucked her up and onto the big potty. She seemed a little scared to continue but by then she really had to go and one tiny turd escaped. Well Mommy acted like that little turd was made of pure gold and I praised the heck out of her. That in turn caused her to want to make more so the gates opened and the party began. We called Daddy in and Uncle Clay in and everyone marveled at the accomplishment. She kept saying “I did it!” and it was adorable. We stood in front of the potty staring and dancing and when I asked her if she wanted to flush it she said no. Apparently she wanted to look at it a bit longer before finally being ready to flush. A few days after that I thought she might need to go again and plopped her on the potty and we caught a pee event. She thought that was pretty funny and we did the “PeePee in the Pot-tay” song and dance all through the house. Since then there has been no major efforts but that is okay. I am sure she’ll potty train herself when she’s ready. If not, we’ll work on it when I think she’s for sure mature enough.

Well that’s it for my long catch-up post! Hopefully I’ll post more frequently again. Especially because I am excited to talk about her emotion recognition! It is so cool to watch them develop and grow!

Cool Giveaway!!!

2011-02-13T00:04:00.000-05:00

Life has been very hectic lately and I haven't had the time I'd like to update my blog and also to keep up with blogs I like to read. Tonight I took some time to read through my good friend LeeAnn's blog. We talk a bunch IRL so I've known what's been going on in her life but I also LOVE to read her blog and see what she's blogging about and what cool giveaways she has going on. Tonight I came across one I could really, really use. For many reasons beyond it's a good idea, we've been trying to cut costs and save money and work towards a healthier bank account. One of the ways we are interested in is using coupons. To be honest, we've been talking about it for months but haven't actually started doing it full force yet. The biggest hold-up is the organizing of coupons. Taking a bunch in your hand or an envelope and trying to get through a shopping trip only to fumble through them at checkout and/or realize you left some ones of the ones you needed at home is not my idea of fun. A solution to that mess is what the giveaway is all about and I want to win this one bad! So head on over to LeeAnn's and check out the Couponizer Giveaway for your chance to win as well. What a GREAT idea!

HELP! Being Foiled

2010-12-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

I really, really, really need some good, creative ideas on how to stop a very annoying habit that my daughter has. Sometimes Reagan will wake in the morning or from a nap and not want to get out of bed right away or sometimes she wants to go in her crib before she is actually ready to go to sleep. Sounds great, right? We thought so too. And it was great. Until the habit started. And the laundry increased.

If Reagan decides she wants awake time in her crib, and if you aren't in there checking on her every 5 seconds, she will remove her diaper most times lately. It started out occasionally and is now a regular event. We'd go in to find her with her pants and diaper off and (thankfully, usually only) wet spots in the crib. Out she'd come, sleeping or not, to be changed and have her crib sheets, pillow and pillow case changed.

We started then putting her to bed in only one piece sleepers (unless she had a onesie on) thinking that would surely cure the problem. Yeah, um, not so much. She just pulled the zipper down, pulled the tabs of her diaper and let it fall into one leg or the other. Change baby, change crib.

We then think, a-ha! Safety pin the zipper so she can't pull it down. Perfect! Safety pin goes on, Reagan goes to bed, Mommy relaxes knowing she won't be changing crib sheets tonight. I was sadly mistaken. She just picked at her diaper through her sleeper until she got the tabs to come loose and then shimmied the diaper into one leg. Change baby, change crib.

Now we consider tape. We try out several kinds of tape - scotch, masking, duct. Every once in a while it would work but for the most part, pick, pick, pick, shimmy, shimmy and...change baby, change crib.

The other night I have an epiphany and think I must be the most brilliant person alive (cough, cough) as I decide to purchase some Easy-Ups in her size. How obvious of a solution is that?!?! No tabs = nothing to loosen = no diaper disasters. Hooray! Solution at last.

Um, it didn't work. She somehow managed to wiggle one leg out of it while in her one piece sleeper with the zipper pinned up. W.T.H?! Change baby, change crib.

So here we are at a complete loss on how to avoid changing her and the crib every time she decides she wants some alone time in there. I don't think it is an indication of being ready to potty train because she doesn't seem interested in the potty at all and I don't think she's bothered by a wet diaper because if she is out playing she never wants to be changed (wet or dirty) and just doesn't seem to care one way or the other. She has toys in her crib and she gets the TV on a timer while in there (and diaper comes off sometimes before TV goes off, sometimes after) so I don't think it is boredom. She is the one who gets to choose whether she is in before sleep or after sleep so I don't think it is rebellion. I am just completely out of ideas. Help!

Primeval Food Instincts

2010-12-22T08:00:00.003-05:00

I've come to believe that most children are born with a primeval instinctive need for chicken nuggets and french fries. I've seen it in my nieces and nephews and first noticed it in my own child when she was around 10 months old. That baby could pick out a McDonald's bag anywhere and would demand to have what was inside. This "need" has now evolved into actual requests for meals.

On Saturday I asked Reagan what she wanted for lunch and she told me "fries". I figured there was no harm in getting her a Happy Meal since she usually eats what we put in front of her and she loves green vegetables so nutritionally I knew she was well balanced. So I toss her in the car and we hit the drive thru. She was her sweet cute self saying "thank you Mommy" once the food was safely in the car. We get home and she joyfully eats her chicken nuggets and french fries. And Mommy is completely unaware that the force behind the request is trying to take over.

Sunday morning we had a really lazy morning and her breakfast ended up being more like brunch. As she is munching on her various foods, a McDonald's commercial comes on TV and the french fry monster awakens. The next thing I know, Reagan is saying, "Mommy, Mommy. I know! I know! Fries! Fries!" and she proceeded to repeat that over and over and over and over and over. When I said "no fries, eat what you have", Reagan pouted and wouldn't eat any more of her food.

Later that day, Daddy, unaware of the brunch episode, walked through the door with a Happy Meal after I was trying unsuccessfully to get her to eat a peanut butter sandwich. She saw that Happy Meal and was so excited. We gave her a chicken nugget and she was saying very dramatically – Mmmmmmmmmmm, chicken, num, num. When she got to her fries – even more dramatically – Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, FRIES, num, NUM! Then the chocolate milk – MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, CHOCOLATE, MMMMMMMMMM! Num, num, NUM! All of this interspersed with many a heartfelt "Oh thank you Daddy!"

It was truly hilarious and I'm pretty sure she will now try to influence every meal to become a Happy Meal!

SANTA!

2010-12-21T08:00:00.004-05:00

On Saturday we finally got out to the mall to see Santa Claus! She wanted no part of sitting in his lap but the Santa's helpers of today are experts at getting a good picture. One had me sit her on my knees up next to Santa while the helpers distracted her with a Dora ball and little globe strobe. While she was distracted, Santa slipped his arm around her, I leaned as far out of the picture as possible and a couple snaps later we had a keeper. I wouldn't have been too upset with a screaming toddler picture (it is a rite of passage after all) but I was impressed at their ability to get most toddlers distracted enough to smile. Thanks Santa - it was good to see you again.

2 Year Pictures Sneak Peak

2010-12-20T14:58:00.000-05:00

Any day now my CD will arrive that contains Reagan's 2 year old pictures. I can't wait to see all of the awesome shots! In the meantime, here is a sneak peak of my little darling's "imp" look. That pre-devilish smirk she gets and gleam in her eye just before she does something she doesn't think she is supposed to do. In this case, she was getting ready to make a break for it and run past me. LOL I love her imp look!

Five Question Friday - 12/17/10

2010-12-17T13:43:00.000-05:00

Yay! I have a few minutes today to play! If you want to play too, head over to Mama M's and join in the fun!

1. Do you regift...and if so, do you have a regifting horror story?
It depends. I will regift something generic to a casual acquaintance in a heartbeat. I don't regift to those closer to me though unless they see something I got and they want it and I don't particularly want it. We reuse the heck out of gift bags though - it's kind of a running joke in our family.

2. Do you know what you are getting for Christmas this year?
I am probably getting nothing because I usually insist that my DH not get me anything. If I need or want something bad enough throughout the year I usually just get it so by Christmas there isn't really anything I absolutely want.

3. Who brings the most gifts in your family, you or Santa?
Santa does. I LOVE the magic that is Santa. I even wrote about it recently - you can read it here!

4. What store do you love to by jeans from?
Definitely the Tommy Hilfiger outlet store near me. It is the best of both worlds - Tommy jeans are the ones that fit me the best and are the most comfortable AND since it is an outlet store the prices aren't as high as the department stores.

5. Christmas meal: Big, All Out Meal or Snacks and Apps?
Both actually. Snacks and apps throughout the day while the big, all out meal is cooking. :-)

Well, speaking of Santa, I really need to get my tree tonight so we can decorate it tomorrow so that Santa has some place to put all those presents for Reagan! Have a great weekend!

Reagan's 2 Year Check-Up

2010-12-16T17:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we went to Reagan's pediatrician for her 2 year check-up. Here are her 2 year stats:

Weight - 23 pounds - 5th-10th%
Height - 33 3/4 inches - 75th%
HC - 48 1/4 centimeters - 50th%

She is maintaining her regular growth curve and all measurments hit her target. We get to switch to low-fat milk now and her next well visit won't be until her 3 year check-up. She is on schedule with all her vaccines except the yearly flu shot so there weren't any shots yesterday since she is officially old enough for the flu mist. Hooray! She wasn't too sure about the first nostril mist but got the hang of it for the second one.

As is typical for Reagan, Dr. E spent most of the exam laughing. For some reason my daughter LOVES going to the doctor and has been fascinated by the exam process since she was a tiny infant. This time though she decided to help Dr. E with the exam. She gently took the stethoscope and put it to her own chest under her shirt. Then she took the ear light and put it in her own ear and turned her head for the other ear when the first one was done. Then she looked at Dr. E, opened her mouth, pointed inside of it and told Dr. E, "Mouth" while reaching for the light. It was so funny that she knew what came next. She didn't want to lay down to have her tush checked but cooperated anyway.

Her enunciation is still a tad behind others her age but she counts to 13 regularly and knows most of her colors so it averages out. I am so blessed to have a healthy, happy, smart little girl (who may one day decide to be a doctor! LOL).

Wordless Wednesday - 2 Years Ago Today-ish

2010-12-15T00:36:00.000-05:00

Wasn't this just yesterday?!?!?! (Can you tell I still can't believe my baby is already 2?)

The Great Santa Debate

2010-12-13T14:57:00.001-05:00

I have seen other folks discussing Santa and the controversy that can sometimes surround him so I figured I’d throw my two cents into the ring. I grew up in a Christian Methodist home complete with Sunday School and church on Sundays. We were made to go up until we were Confirmed wherein we were then considered responsible for our own faith and decisions involving our faith and could decide whether to attend regularly or not. In the United Methodist Church, Confirmation refers to the decision a person makes to respond to God's grace with intentional commitment, publicly reaffirming his or her baptismal vows before the congregation. It is offered in the early teen years and involves classes, studies, field trips, etc. which culminate in a ceremony during service to publicly affirm your faith. For the most part, after Confirmation I continued to attend on a semi-regular basis. I enjoyed going to church and youth group however as a teenager I didn’t always want to get up in time to be there on time. Hence the semi-regular basis. As an adult I went through periods of not going at all, going every week and points in between. As a mother now, I am trying to be more regular with attendance so that Reagan can have a faith-based upbringing as well.

Back to Santa. In our Christian home, Santa visited every year. I can still remember the excitement and belief and how magical it was on Christmas morning to awake to see that he had come. The whole idea of Santa is wonderful to me and I have many cherished memories from those days of belief. After I discovered the truth, the only negative feelings I had about it were that it wasn’t true. It never occurred to me to distrust my parents because they “lied” to me. As a matter of fact, I am grateful that they perpetuated that myth so that I can remember the magic.

Counter-balancing the commercialism of Santa were plenty of church events and discussions about the birth of Jesus and Nativity scenes and traditional songs. I remember being equally excited and in awe of the blessed event and that tandem excitement made Christmas that much more special. One of my most cherished pieces of the Christmases of my youth is a Nativity set that belonged to my late maternal Grandmother who died when I was 10. She would set it up each year and tell me not to touch it when I was little. It is now my Nativity set and each crack and chip on it represents all the love in our family throughout the years. Even after all the years of Santa, it is the setting of baby Jesus’ birth that I cherish the most.

So, with all of the wondrousness that I remember from my childhood Christmases, we welcome Santa into our home. I want Reagan to have the same magical experiences that I had as a child and knowing how fleeting childhood is and the short, short window for pure magic, we will tell her the stories of Santa and his elves and his reindeer and the North Pole and all else that is Santa. She will also be taught that the true meaning of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus. We started this early with her – on her very first Christmas, when she was only 3 weeks old, we began a tradition I have always known I would begin with my child. We sang Happy Birthday to baby Jesus before doing anything else that day. We will do this every Christmas so that first and foremost we will always be reminded that the day is to celebrate Jesus’ birth and we will sing to the baby Jesus that is part of my Grandmom’s Nativity set. And the presents will be for her, from Santa, on behalf of baby Jesus’ big celebration.

Coming Soon...2 Year Old Pictures!

2010-12-12T16:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we met up with a fabulous photographer (and friend) Andrea at Loch Haven Park in Orlando for Reagan's 2 year pictures. I had her 1 year pictures done at a chain-store studio and while they turned out great, I spent wayyy too much money and both of us were cranky, exhausted and frustrated by the time it was over. I was not looking forward to doing that again so I asked Andrea if she would take Reagan's pictures this year.

It was so much nicer being at the park, in a natural setting and where Reagan could run around and be herself. No overly forced poses, no 8 million things laying about that are oh-so-enticing yet completely off limits to a toddler, no overheated room and no being rushed. I was a little bit worried about how cooperative she would be (which would have been a studio concern as well) but Andrea is a natural for getting the little ones to engage and Reagan was going right along with it. I was pleasantly surprised at how often Reagan actually did what we asked her to do and one of the pictures I totally cannot wait for is the one where Andrea caught Reagan's imp-look (the one just as she is deciding whether or not to let the horns appear on her head!). We see that look all the time but it has never been captured on film.

It was a great time and I will post some of the pictures here when they are ready.

Never Ceases to Amaze...

2010-11-15T15:34:00.000-05:00

Reagan has lately been amazing us with things out of the blue. One night in the bath it was suddenly counting to 8, then a few days later to 10 and most recently to somewhere in the teens - 11 and 12 are relatively easy to understand and then you hear a series of some-teens so who knows how high she is counting.

A few weeks ago she started identifying colors while being dressed for bed. Yellow is her favorite to point out and she gets that one right 100% of the time. Pink and purple are next on the accuracy list followed by blue. Red, green and orange are frequently called yellow as she for some reason doesn't know or doesn't choose to identify them. Still, we are very impressed with her current color skills.

Last night was another "how does she know that" moment. Her magnetic drawing board is her favorite toy and she sometimes insists that we draw things for her. The routine is we draw something and say to her "What's that?" and she'll tell us cat, dog, SpongeBob, fish, etc. She is pretty good at identifying even my poorly drawn pictures. So when it was drawing time last night, I started drawing numbers and said "what's that?". To my surprise and complete amazement, she identified each number by sight correctly. Every time. And in random order. I know it is one thing to be able to recite them by memory but to identify them by sight is another skill entirely. And when we made a big deal about it, she looked at us like we were crazy! Ah my sweet, smart little girl.

Saturday Play Date - Stinky Toes!

2010-11-13T00:01:00.009-05:00

Hi! If you are looking for me today I am over at LeeAnn's having a play date. Come join us!

(Just Over) A Year Ago

2010-11-10T16:05:00.000-05:00

Reagan and Oscar hanging out in the fully loaded beach pack n play waiting for it to be carried down Cocoa Beach so we could relax and watch the awesome Cocoa Beach Air Show! It was a really fun day and Reagan got to see her first fighters - it did not take her long at all to learn that you have to look ahead of the sound to be able to see them. Maybe my little girl will go to Embry-Riddle too just like her momma!

Wordless Wednesday - Need a Cat? She Needs a Home

2010-11-10T15:57:00.000-05:00

She was abandoned by her previous owners. :-(

How She Got Her Name

2010-10-21T10:49:00.002-04:00

The first part of this post will be sad but the sad part is necessary to get to how she got her name. I have two older sisters – the oldest has 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls, and the middle has 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl. I was beyond happy and excited as each of my nieces and nephews entered this world and I am close to all of them. I bestowed on each of them my own special nickname and frequently call them by those nicknames – in public.And the kids don’t mind! In order of birth they are, Beaner, Super Chunk, Peanut, Minnie-Me, Kaboom and Goat-Butt. With a tiny bit of training (LOL), if you ever ask any of them who their favorite person in the world is, they will tell you Aunt Dawn. That may not actually be the truth, but they’ve been coached well. They are all growing up now and making their way towards adulthood but the special and close relationship I have to all of them has only grown deeper with each new year. In April 2008, the worst possible thing to ever happen to our family happened. My oldest niece, Emily, my sweet Peanut, died in a car accident. She was 15. I have never felt such pain and heartbreak as I do over the loss of that sweet girl. Not even the pain of infertility came close. I remember begging God to let her come back to us even if that meant I could never be a mother in return. We all miss her terribly every single day.

When it became known in July of 2008 that Reagan’s birth parents had chosen us, the gender of the baby to be was not yet known. I had always pictured having a little boy although my preference was either gender. Names of course had already been mulled over countless times in hopes that a child would become ours so the name I thought I would definitely be using for a girl was Kassidy. I loved it and no other name seemed to be better out of the 1000s in the baby name books. We had some other girl names on our short list but I felt certain that Kassidy would be the one chosen. Everyone was having fun guessing what the gender might be and most people were saying boy.

As I was driving down the highway alone late one night, I got this overwhelming peaceful feeling about baby to be. In my head I heard – The baby is a girl and her name is Reagan Emily. At the time, in the moment, I just knew it was right. I also knew that my beautiful niece had been orchestrating from heaven and had not only helped to guide my child to me but had also chosen for her the perfect name.

When I began to announce to the world that I knew the baby was a girl and that her name was Reagan Emily, others were perplexed a bit since Reagan wasn’t a name on the short list and hadn’t ever even been mentioned before. To those close to me, those who knew about Emily, I simply said – Emily named her and Emily knows it is a girl.

A while later, at the anatomy scan which occurred late in the pregnancy, I realized I was holding my breath when the gender was being checked. Of course it showed girl and of course on the day she was born everyone could only say – oh wow, her name fits her perfectly.

So thank you my Peanut, for guiding Reagan to us and for giving her the most wonderful name. We love you and miss you every day. Please keep watching over her.

Five Question Friday - October !

2010-10-01T11:38:00.000-04:00

YAY! It's October! I love October. Here in Florida we finally get breaks from the intense heat and humidity and get some really nice, warm days. Plus, it is the start of the holiday season in my mind. Halloween is so much fun - not to mention the hayrides and other fun fall activities. From there it is Thanksgiving and then on to Christmas! This month is a busy weekend month - so many fun fall things to do plus a two airshows! The first one is in Daytona - Wings and Waves - where I will get to spend some fun times with college friends and the second is in Cocoa - Cocoa Beach. I can't wait! I am a huge airplane nerd and Reagan has picked up my love for them so it is going to be really great.

Now on to 5QF hosted by the Lovely Mama M. Head on over and link up!

1. Did you have a pen pal when you were little (or now)? Where were/are they from?
Now this question takes me back. I vaguely remember a mail in place where you could write and request a pen pal. I had two pen pals. A girl from England and a boy from Jamaica. I should go through some old boxes to see if I still have the letters and check for them on Facebook! LOL

2. If you could do a different job for one day, what would it be?
Baby nurse – how fun to take care of all the cute little newborns for a day!

3. Do you remember your biggest fear from when you were little?
The only thing I can remember being really afraid of – screaming, crying afraid of – is still a fear of mine today. Birds. If they get anywhere near me I panic. (I STILL need to write that ostrich story as a post – that helps to explain my issues with birds!)

4. What do you think is a waste of time? Why?
These days it feels like cleaning is a waste of time because as soon as the cleaning is over, the mess shows right back up!

5. What is the oldest item you have in your closet?
I have two dresses that I bought in Miami – drunk – many, many moons ago. At least 15 years ago. They are these tiny little hoochie-mama dresses that haven’t fit me for a long time and even if they did I doubt I would wear them. That ship has sailed! But, I just can’t seem to let them go. LOL

HAPPY FRIDAY everyone! Have a great weekend.

Favorite TV Shows

2010-09-30T13:45:00.000-04:00

Reagan has loved the television since she was just a teeny tiny thing. I am quite sure she watches way too much of it already but it is the only thing we have found that will get her to actually sit still and rest for more than 3.2 seconds at a time. Her very first favorite TV show was Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and we use to use it for 20 minutes of entertainment while we were taking care of various tasks. We'd put her in her bouncy chair or her swing and turn it on. Pretty soon we noticed her doing a version of the Hot Dog Dance - when they'd start singing the song and doing the dance, her little legs would kick one by one. Adorable!

Soon after that, she discovered Yo Gabba Gabba. It was love at first sight for her. The singing and dancing and funny characters had her hooked. One of her first words was actually Gabba. There were even times she would wake in the morning, look at us and start saying GabbaGabbaGabbaGabba. Her first birthday was even a mix of Mickey Mouse and Yo Gabba Gabba.

Over the past few months she has broadened her television horizons and over the summer Dora the Explorer was a favorite, then Diego bumped her out of the #1 slot and Reagan would hand you the remote and say Go, Go, Go, Go, Go. At the moment she has two favorites, well one she asks for more than the other but the other is a close second place. Currently at the #1 spot is Blue's Clues - which she asks for by opening and closing her hands up by her face and saying Fooos fooos. She loves when they sing before getting the mail and chimes in on the last "maaiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllll". It is hilarious. Her #2 spot is Team Umizoomi which she asks for by saying simply Bot (he's the robot character on the show).

What's mommy's favorite you ask? I like the Backyardigans. LOL I can remember being small and innocent enough with a big enough imagination to turn any environment into an adventure. One of my favorite memories is my cousin Curt and I turning his bedroom into the ocean and his bunk beds into a ship. Naturally you couldn't touch the floor or you'd be overboard and drown. We did this a lot. So, seeing how they transform their backyards into cool places just takes me right back to being a kid myself. Ah, the good ol' days!

Wordless Wednesday - Nap Time!

2010-09-29T11:11:00.000-04:00

One of our dogs, Brady, taking a snooze on Reagan's folded out Mickey couch.

To Paci...Or Not To Paci

2010-09-27T21:23:00.001-04:00

It is no secret to those close to me that I have issues with the paci. My issue you ask? I really don't want to ever have to take Reagan's paci away. As I've mentioned before, I actually remember the trauma of giving mine up - to Santa Claus no less (and I almost opted out of presents that year just so I could keep it!). I remember arguing with my sister when she took the paci away from my oldest nephew and I stated - no baby should ever have to give up their paci. I've joked with my friends that Reagan could keep her paci until college if she wanted and part of me actually meant it.

But, her teeth are now showing evidence of being on the paci too long. I *thought* that it wouldn't become a teeth issue if she only had it at nap and night time. Apparently I am wrong about that. So, here I am breaking my own heart over a paci. LOL I say my own heart because I am well aware of my issues and fully realize that I am probably more attached to her paci than she is.

This past Saturday I decided to try to get over it and take the paci away. The first thing Reagan says when put into her crib is Paci, Paci, Paci. I handed her a cut nipple paci for naptime. She put it in her mouth, got a WTF look on her face, took it out and stared at it and then put it back in her mouth. She settled down to a couple minutes of pitiful crying because her paci was broken but she didn't cry long. It was AWFUL for me! That night was a repeat but without the pitiful crying because she discovered that if she put her finger in the paci that it worked (she has the Binky brand so her finger can fit all the way in the nipple from the outside). On Sunday, I tried again at naptime but she wasn't having it. She kept climbing out of her crib and banging on the door yelling PACI! After a few times of this, I gave in, gave her a normal paci and off to sleep she went. That night, I didn't even try.

Today I bought a crib tent - she won't stay in her crib and I am not comfortable with the thought of her creeping around the house alone at night so instead of doing the toddler bed thing I opted for the tent. She thinks this tent is very funny so at least that isn't traumatizing to her. I told myself tonight that I'll let her adjust to the tent before trying the no paci thing again but I see myself making excuses for myself instead of facing the reality that her paci needs to go.

My name is Dawn and I am a Paci-holic. I need help! LOL

She is actually laughing in this picture because she was bouncing her head against the tight mesh for it to bounce back. All I had handy was my cell phone for a picture.

Five Question Friday - TGIF!

2010-09-24T11:17:00.000-04:00

Big thanks as usual to Mama M at My Little Life for hosting 5QF! Head over there, grab the questions, the button, add yourself to the Linky and join the fun!

1. If you could speak with a different accent, what would it be (i.e Australian, Scottish)?
This is one is so easy for me to answer - it would definately be South African. The first time I heard it in person, at college from a dear friend of a dear friend, I was mesmerized. I think it is the most beautiful sounding accent in the world.

2. Can you fall asleep anywhere? (i.e floor, couch, deck)
That is a big YES! And I can sleep through just about anything too. I love to sleep - always have.

3. Do you use public restrooms? If so, do you sit on the toilet?
I do use public restrooms and I usually sit on the toilet - without cleaning it - and without a paper cover. However, if the toilet looks gross, has pee on the seat or otherwise looks suspicious, I'm doing the hover.

4. If you were stuck in an elevator for 24 hours, what celebrity would you most want to be stuck with?
Brad Pitt, hands down. Still smitten with him from when I first saw him in Thelma and Louise. I remember saying - WHO is THAT?!?!?!

5. Where did you & your significant other go on your 1st date?
We never really had an official first date. We met through mutual friends and the relationship just developed through a series of events. The first admitted mutual attraction though (and first kiss) was New Years Eve 1999 - when it turned to the big 2000. We were in Virginia - on a Navy base at the home of a friend of a friend. A huge group of friends decided to make the trip north for New Years and both of us happened to be there. Oh what a trip that was!

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!

TAG! You're It!

2010-09-23T11:18:00.000-04:00

So today I was Tagged by LeeAnn at The Life of Rylie…and Bryce too for some fun random questions. The rules are that once tagged, you answer the questions provided and then you tag 5 others and ask them questions of your own.

Here are the questions LeeAnn asked...

1. What is your most embarrassing moment?
I’ve had quite a few in my life but one that pops into my head immediately is from a looooong time ago when I was in either middle school or a freshman in high school – I can’t exactly remember the when. A new family had moved in a street over from where I lived and I had developed a crush on one of the boys. Some of my girlfriends and I made up some reason to go knock on the door. We all had dressed for the occasion complete with mini-skirts and cute shoes. Well I was a tom-boy so walking in those cute shoes was not something I was used to. As we turned to walk down the wide steps from the front porch, I slipped and slid alllll the way down and ended up with my mini-skirt up to my armpits. I never went back to that house again!

2. What do you do for fun?
I love to watch my daughter play and enjoy life. It can be both of us sitting on her Mickey couch drawing circles or heading out to Sea World or Disney with friends and family. I can’t wait to do all of the fun fall and Halloween stuff with her – last year she was too young to really get into it.

3. If you were an animal, which would you be, and why?
As much as I personally don’t like birds and I am pretty sure they don’t like me, I think I’d like to be a bird. Being able to fly around on my own would be lots of fun.

4. If you could know one thing about the future, what would it be?
I’d like to know if my future has a second child in store – and if yes, how that child will find his or her way to our family.

I am going to tag these 5 lovely ladies:

Ana at Getting Help Making a Baby

Cara at My Life with PCOS, as Told by Me

Debbie B at Always and Forever Family

GeoChick at Adventures of a Dam Engineer

Ms. Toronto :-) at First and Only IVF?

And the questions are:

1. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

2. What is your happiest childhood memory?

3. Do you have any nicknames? How did you get them?

4. What do you think is the single best decision you've made in your life so far?

Have fun playing along and I can't wait to see everyone's answers!

Wordless Wednesday - Back Seat Driver

2010-09-21T23:32:00.000-04:00

Reagan playing with Oscar

How to Eat Corn

2010-09-21T20:12:00.000-04:00

Through your nose apparently. Yup, corn is meant to be shoved up your nostril and inhaled. At least that is what Reagan thinks. And it is just the perfect size and buttered just right to make insertion a breeze. Ay! I spent about 30 minutes trying to make sure all the corn was out of her nose. She was not too pleased with that. I've mentioned to our family before that I see an ER trip in my future to have something or somethings removed from her nose. Ever since she realized there were holes there she has been obsessed with shoving things in there for safe keeping. Thankfully, so far, we've been able to remove her, uh, treasures.

The good news of today is that she has been fever free for over 24 hours! Hooray! That means we don't have to go back to the doctor for a urine sample via catheter. Of course by the time we got to the doctor yesterday her fever had broken. She was checked all over and after seeing that her ears were clear, her throat was clear and she had no abdominal tenderness, the NP said it was most likely just a regular virus making its way through her system. We were told to return today for a urine sample to rule out a UTI if the fever was not gone and I was so happy that she didn't have to go through that. Those are NOT fun! I am just so glad that my baby is finally feeling better.

Another's Hope for a Child

2010-09-20T20:39:00.000-04:00

I came across a very sweet blog done by Lindsay and Jon and was moved by their plan to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia. This child already lives in their hearts and even has a name - Emersyn. They are moving through the process of international adoption and like most hopeful parents-to-be, they are struggling with the costs to complete the process. To help, they've held and are planning several fundraisers. The neatest idea I have ever seen is the puzzle piece fundraiser. They have chosen the First Kiss puzzle - The First Kiss photo where a Mama giraffe is giving her baby a big kiss on the head.

They have a PayPal link on their blog where you can sponsor a puzzle piece for $5 and your name (or family name, or child(ren)'s name(s), etc.) will be lovingly written on the back. When the puzzle is complete, they are going to frame it in a double glass frame to hang in Emersyn's room where she will always be able to see the names of the many people who had a small part in helping to bring her home. I sponsored one in honor of my little blessing!

They also have a Facebook page where Lindsay sells scrapbooks and other items as well as periodically has donated items for sale. I know they would love to have you friend them!

Here is what Lindsay has written for their blog profile:
We are now in Battle Ground, WA! We are leasing to own a house that we absolutely love! Lindsay still works at the Oregon Zoo and LOVES IT!!! Jon is still working with Penguin Windows and last year got a promotion so he is now a manager! With four dogs, two ferrets, and three cats, our lives can be a little hectic but we love it! We are in the process of adopting our first child from Ethiopia. We are so excited to become a family of three and can't wait to see baby Emersyn's face! We couldn't ask for more! We are in one word...blessed.

So, if it so moves you as well, please take a moment to hop over to their blog and read their story. I am so glad I did and I can't wait for the day they post their first picture as a family! Thanks Lindsay and Jon for letting me follow along with your journey.

Help Received! and Sick Baby

2010-09-19T17:09:00.000-04:00

Well since yesterday I've done some more tweaking on my blog. I am now 99% happy with the results. As I posted in my update yesterday, I found a template that I really like on http://lenatoewsdesigns.blogspot.com/. She also has some really great Premades that are only $5 and all monies raised from the Premades go towards her adoption. There is some really beautiful stuff there. The 1% that I am not happy with on my blog is 1- I can't figure out how (or even if I can) to change the way my Blog Title appears in the heart frame. I'd love for it to be each word on a new line that is stair-stepped. Kind of like this:
Born
     From
            My
               Heart

And 2 - I wish the column widths were adjustable. I'd like for the column of the posts to be a bit wider. But really, overall I am very happy with it.

And then, Colleen at Shibley Smiles did this AWESOME button for me.

I am SO EXCITED about it. We talked briefly last night about what I wanted and to be honest, I wasn't very good at expressing exactly what I had in mind. She took the general ideas I had and by today there was this beautiful button! Thanks so much Colleen! I love it!

And in other news, Reagan is sick. When I came home from work on Friday I noticed she was running a fever. It was 101.6 so I gave her some Tylenol and some juice. The fever didn't come down until after the second dose of Tylenol and by then I had myself convinced that she had Dengue Fever. Earlier in the week she came in from playing outside with a ton of mosquito bites and I didn't really worry about them until the fever. Thankfully she doesn't seem to have any of the other symptoms so it's probably not really Dengue.

On Saturday her fever was up and down throughout the day and had gone up to 102.1 at bedtime. Last night she woke up crying and feverish so I gave more Tylenol and put her in bed with me. She woke up whining a couple of times and early this morning she woke up asking for juice. I put her back in her crib around 7:30 and she slept through until 10:30 when she got up for the day. At naptime I gave her more Tylenol just in case but she had gone 6 hours since her last dose and was fever free. I am going to take her to the doctor tomorrow because I am starting to wonder if she might have an ear infection. She isn't complaining of ear pain but she's acting really clumsy and that just isn't like her. I hope she gets better soon.

Help Wanted!

2010-09-18T16:49:00.001-04:00

Today I got to messing around with the Blogger provided templates to try to make my blog look more like I wish it looked. I consider myself moderately technically inclined however when it comes to web design stuff, I am clueless. So, the new design is closer to what I picture in my head but yet not exactly what I want it to look like. For one, it is a little darker and monochromatic than I'd hoped for but I had reached the end of my abilities. I also really want to have a button of my own but can't seem to understand the instructions on the web for how to do it. I had dabbled with a prototype of one a couple months ago but even that wasn't exactly what I pictured.

So, if there are any web design savvy people out there who know how to create a vision in Blogger and are sitting around bored with nothing else to do, want to help me out? I'll be forever grateful!

UPDATE - I found a Freebie template I liked on http://lenatoewsdesigns.blogspot.com/ and that is what you currently see. I haven't yet figured out how to get my blog title to display properly so hopefully someone has some pointers on that. This current layout is much closer to what I want and I am pretty happy with it. I wish I knew web design though so I could make exactly what I want. I see research on that in my future!

Five Question Friday and Chick-Fil-A Story

2010-09-17T11:41:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday everyone! I can't wait to play this weekend. Not sure yet what exactly we will be doing although I hope to get over to LeeAnn's for some play time on Saturday afternoon. Then I have to schedule some time to get into my busting at the seams junk room to prepare for a yard sale. NOT looking forward to that room but it will be so much better afterwards.

On Wednesday night, I took Reagan to Chick-Fil-A for dinner and to let her play in the play area. She's still too small to climb up the tower - the platforms are spaced too high - and there were no other kids in there at the time so I let her climb inside the slide. (my phone takes the worst quality pictures!)

She would climb around the first bend, turn around and slide back down. After a few times of this, I sat on one of the benches and started playing on my phone. Next thing I know, I hear giggling and little feet running over my head. That bugger managed to climb ALL the way to the top of that curly slide and she was making her rounds at the VERY TOP of the tower. I was a little panicked because 1) I didn't want her to fall from the climbing platforms and 2) I didn't want to have to climb my fat butt up there to retrieve her when it was time to go home. Thankfully, she eventually made her way back to the top of the slide and weeeeee'd her way back down. Phew!

And now, thanks to Mama M, it is time for Five Question Friday!

1. What is the first nightmare you remember?
Wow. I had to think about this one for a bit. I think the earliest nightmare I remember was from when I was about 6 or 7 years old and it was a recurring one at that. We had a beagle, Biggie, that preferred to spend most of her time in our huge backyard so she had a dog house out there by a large tree to chill in. In the nightmare, I would be walking towards the dog house to find Biggie to play and about halfway there I would notice a lion. in the yard. next to my dog's house. I can still feel the terror although my fear was for Biggie and not for myself. How was I going to save my dog from the lion? I never did find out that answer because I would wake up every time before I was able to figure it out.

2. Even if you're not a sports fan, what's your favorite sport to play/watch?
I absolutely LOVE to watch NFL football. I don't care who is playing - I'll watch - even though I much prefer to watch the Washington Redskins win!

3. If you could pull off one piece of trendy fashion, what would you want it to be (jeggings, hats, thigh high boots, etc.)?
Trendy fashion? Fashion you say? What's that?! LOL I'd honestly like to be able to just pull together and pull off any fashionable outfit - trendy or not - although some of the fall season boots I have been seeing look sexy - and I would most definately not look sexy in them.

4. Did you make good grades in school?
That depends. I had the ability to make excellent grades in school although I did not always put forth the effort in order to do so. Learning always came easy to me but unless I enjoyed the subject, I didn't care what grade I got. And it showed. Teachers were always fussing at me to apply myself more. I hope Reagan isn't that way - I hope she learns well and applies herself naturally.

5. What magazines do you subscribe to?
I don't subscribe to any magazines. I find it a frivolous expense for our family situation and I rarely have time to sit down and read. Although when I do get to read, I prefer books to magazines. Oh and when I travel I like to grab me a People magazine.

Wordless Wednesday - Mini-Potato

2010-09-15T10:52:00.000-04:00

Hmmmm...What is on TV?

Summer Recap - Magic Kingdom - Sept 1, 2010

2010-09-14T18:14:00.000-04:00

I took the day off from work so Reagan and I could go to Magic Kingdom at Disney World with my dad (Pop-Pop), my aunt, my cousin, her husband and their son Ryan who were all visiting from out of town. We were SO EXCITED to see them all again and we had so much fun at the park. Reagan especially loved spending time with her cousin who was very accommodating to her and quickly was added to her collection of trained monkeys and snuggie partners.

This was Ryan's FIRST.TIME.EVER at Magic Kingdom and I, being the loving Aunt Dawn that I am, made sure to get him his 1st Time Visitor pin to wear for the day - even if that is kind of embarrassing for a 12 year old. Teeheehee. A momentous occasion such as this requires fanfare for sure. Then it was on to the ferry to get to the park. I spent the first 15 minutes trying to insist that he get Mouse Ears to wear. I even showed him that we could get his name embroidered on the back too. He wasn't having it. Not even when I swore that I'd be his best friend. Finally we negotiated a deal - I would shut up and leave him alone about it if he promised to let me take a picture of him in the Mouse Ears of my choice. Ryan loves popcorn so I found THE perfect pair!

He allowed me to take a quick picture even though he wasn't too thrilled by the idea. I am sure he will be less thrilled about the picture being shared with the world. AUNT DAWN LOVES YOU RYAN!!! Swear it! :-)

Here is a picture of me, Reagan and Pop-Pop that Ryan took for us. Notice Pop-Pop videotaping during the photo op. LOL

Later on in the day we found out that the resident birds are quite adept at getting food from the visitors. We had a blast feeding them french fries - even though we know you aren't supposed to feed them, they clearly were expecting it. And Reagan loved it!

Then, Pop-Pop and Ryan got locked up by the law for feeding the birds when you aren't supposed to. Uncle F, Aunt K and Aunt L all got away! And me, yeah, I don't do birds - they scare me wayyyy too much (note to self - type out ostrich story one day soon) so I kept my distance and only did the visual documenting.

After they got bailed out, Reagan and I camped out on the bridge to wait for the boat to come by from Splash Mountain. As you can tell, Ryan LOVED that ride - he rode it 3 times in a row too!

In the above picture he was yelling to me - THAT WAS AWESOME!

What a fun day we had. We already can't wait for the next time they all come to town.

Ewww - Germs!

2010-09-13T17:55:00.000-04:00

I was talking to a friend of mine about the “dangers” of indoor playgrounds for kids and to be honest, I never really thought of anything bad before this friend starting speaking of things like e Coli and Strep (C and/or G). But, it actually made me laugh out loud as I considered how I handle Reagan and “dirt/germs”.

I don’t take potential illnesses lightly however Reagan has proven to have a really good immune system – having only had one honest to goodness full blown cold in her 21 months. She’s had the occasional fever here and there along with short term malaise from a vaccine reaction or two and fleeting intestinal issues but nothing that required a trip to the doctor. She’s actually only had two sick visits – one when my husband and I both had the flu last year and it wasn’t certain how to handle well family members (she never got it) and the other when she was near the end of her cold and we were about to fly. So I consider her a rather hardy little thing that I let roam the world to explore with all her senses.

I am sure there are moms out there who will gasp at this, but I do let her put dirt in her mouth so she can discover on her own how gross it tastes. I’ve caught her licking the safety railing in front of our seats at Shamu stadium and simply shifted her position to make it less easy for her to reach. She gets roaring with belly laughs as she mimics the dog’s tongue kissing motion as the dog kisses back and mommy says YUCK! She also shares bites of food with said dog. I pretty much don’t insist on obsessively sanitizing her world and as long as there are no visible dangers, I let her go.

As I recounted some of this to my friend, I really started to laugh. I was trying to think if I had ever insisted on immediately washing Reagan after she touched something and all I could remember was the time she dipped her hands into the bucket of bleach water I was using to clean the floor with. THAT was when I panicked and went running for the soap and water. Dirt and germs don’t really scare me but chemical burns sure do. And it was just really funny to me that considering the conversation we were having, it was the antithesis of germs that I freaked over.

So, I hope and pray that Reagan never gets sick from an indoor playground but the slight possibility that she might is not going to stop me from letting her have fun.

Awesome Saturday!

2010-09-12T16:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had the best *stress-free* saturday that I have had in a long time! It started early with heading out to Bryce's first birthday party. The party was held at a really great local park that has plenty to keep children occupied and happy. First on Reagan's agenda was the really fun playground - and the big kid section at that!

From there it was on to the Splash park. She didn't play in the water as much as she ran around the outside of it but the entire splash park is fenced in so I was able to just chill and watch without having to chase her all over the place.

After a little bit of yummy food, it was time to check out her first ever Bounce House! She was intimidated by it for about 3 whole seconds and then she had the concept down easily. She loved it!

It wasn't long before she figured out how to navigate to the top of the attached slide and Little Miss No Fear went down without hesitation. It is easily the highest slide she's been on to date but that didn't seem to bother her one bit.

She must have climbed to the top and slid down twenty times! She only took a break to get some cake and then she was right back in there. After the party was over, she was thrilled to get two balloons with her favor bag.

I unfortunately didn't get any pictures of the birthday boy - he naturally gathers quite the crowd and I didn't want to be rude and elbow people out of the way. LOL Plus, his mommy has two friends who are awesome photographers and I will just borrow a few of theirs once they get posted. :-)

When we came home, we found out that Daddy had fixed our front door. The frame had been splintered and it wouldn't stay closed on its own unless it was dead bolted. He did a really good job and now our door opens and closes the way it should. And, while Reagan took a 3 1/2 hour nap (do you think she had fun at Bryce's party?!?! LOL), Daddy got into the shed and pulled out the big inflatable pool that has been rolled up in there for years. He cleaned it all up, scrubbed and sanitized it then filled it with air and water for Reagan and I to play in once she woke up. (crappy cell phone pic)

I was in there with her for about an hour and a half and we had a blast playing and splashing and getting served soda and juice by Daddy. Once back inside it was time for wings for dinner and relaxing with Reagan. It was a busy day but very fun and I really needed one of those!

5QF!

2010-09-10T16:23:00.000-04:00

Wooo-hoooo! It's FRIDAY! I am very excited about that. And I am so excited for Bryce's big 1st B-day bash tomorrow!

Since I've been slacking on the blogging (the last month was crazy busy for me), I am going to try really hard to get back to it. I decided to head over to Mama M's for Five Question Friday.

Here we go...

1. Do you feel guilty spending money on yourself?
That really depends on what I am buying but most of the time the answer is yes, I feel guilty.

2. How well do you know your neighbors?
This question made me laugh out loud because there are a few things I know about a couple of my neighbors that probably most people wouldn't know about theirs so I would say I know my neighbors very well. LOL

3. What age are you looking forward to being?
I am no longer looking forward to being any age until and unless they figure out how to truly go backwards. ;-)

4. Do you get excited when the mail comes? Why?
Hardly ever. 99.9% of the time is just means more bills, more junk to trash and more paper to pile up on my kitchen counter until I get around to determining which is which.

5. What is your earliest childhood memory?
I'm not sure if this is the earliest memory or not but I would have been around 2 or 3 when this happened - my two older sisters and I were bathing after swimming (they are 6 and 8 years older than me) when the neighbor boy, who was their age, knocked on the door. I was sent to answer it since no one had clothes on. He asked to talk to K and I led him to our bathroom where I threw open the door and my sisters screamed and tried to cover up with wash cloths. He clarified that he meant the other K (my sister and our babysitter had the same name) so I led him to the bedroom where she was changing and threw open the door. The neighbor boy was flashed by everybody that day and I couldn't understand what all the screaming was about. LOL

Hoping to have some time this weekend to get some posts written and pictures up. :-)

PCOS is Weird

2010-09-09T22:27:00.000-04:00

So August 27th was another CD1. Which was interesting because August 26th was CD 61 - exactly the same as the last cycle. I haven't been as diligent about taking the Soy as I'd hoped to be because it does seem to be helping with the regulating. Oh well, I'll just sit back and see what the next 2 months brings. I am sure the days being the same was just a freak coincidence but that is how PCOS seems to be for me. Weird and annoying.

Angel's Journey

2010-09-08T10:17:00.000-04:00

Angel is a 13 year old blind American Eskimo Dog girl that was dumped at the Orlando shelter and marked "stray". Thanks to the efforts of many, many people, she was saved! I had the pleasure of springing her from the shelter and cried part of the way home at the way she had been let down by her former "owners". Still, she showed an incredibly sweet and adventurous spirit despite her predicament. A very long transport to Iowa was quickly put together and she is now safe at American Eskimo Dog Rescue & Sanctuary of Iowa. Her adventures included many cars, two overnights, an RV ride and two small plane rides thanks to Pilots and Paws! And, as it turns out to be her style, she collected everyone's hearts along the way. We love you Angel and are so thankful to have been a part of your amazing rescue.

Wordless Wednesday - Wanna Race?

2010-08-11T10:41:00.000-04:00

Five Question Friday

2010-07-23T10:39:00.000-04:00

Head over to see My Little Life and play along!

1. What were your school colors?
High school was Blue/Gold and college was, well, Blue/Gold! It was a convenient coincidence. LOL

2. What's the best compliment you ever received?
My daughter. The fact that her birth parents felt me worthy of that beautiful gift and precious life.

3. Do you buy cheap or expensive toilet paper?
Expensive - I am a generic brand queen but NOT when it comes to toilet paper! Ouch! LOL

4. Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? Or have you had one for someone else?
Nope. Never. I'm probably too nosey to have one thrown for me. I think I'd probably catch on at some point. I've been to a few surprise parties but never actually threw one either.

5. What is one material possession that you "can't live without"?
DVR - I can't live without having Dora, Diego or Yo Gabba Gabba on emergency stand-by. Plus, I can still catch the shows I want to watch whenever I finally get a moment to sit down.

Have a great weekend everyone!!! Reagan and I are off to Ocean City, MD for the week!

Heart Whispers

2010-07-21T15:54:00.000-04:00

On the 21st of June Reagan had her 18 month check-up. As usual she was extremely cooperative and interested in process of the exam and even knows how to breathe in and out when a stethoscope is near. LOL Her stats were:

Height – 32 ¾ - 75%

Weight – 20lbs 14ozs – 5%

Head Circumference – 47 ½ - 75%

These are all in her normal percentile – my tall, thin big brained girl! LOL Her exam was normal except for the doctor detected a very slight heart murmur that hadn’t been detected before. Since Reagan is growing, eating and has a normal energy and activity level, the doctor decided to wait and see if the murmur was just an anomaly. Today we went for our recheck and the murmur was still there so after we return from our week in Ocean City, MD, Reagan will be getting an EKG to confirm that the murmur is just a normal, benign murmur. I am not concerned about it but am looking forward to a Pediatric Cardiologist telling me that I am right not to be concerned. KWIM?

Five Question Friday

2010-07-16T14:22:00.000-04:00

I am so happy Friday is here! I have been exhausted this week. But Friday it is always fun to play along with My Little Life with Five Question Friday!

1. Do you collect anything?
Actually I do. I collect anything related to the movie Peter Pan. I have a ton of stuff currently in boxes but I need to finally drag out the glass enclosed cabinet to have them out where I can enjoy them. Oh and I even have a tattoo of Peter Pan and one of the silhouette of the Captain Hook ship. A little obsessive? Perhaps!

2. Name 3 celebrities that you find good looking.
Well Brad Pitt has been a yummy favorite for me ever since Thelma and Louise. I think Adam Lambert is incredibly hot. And, hmmm, I am having trouble picking a 3rd. Oh, yes, Tom Cruise during his Top Gun era...before he went a little off the wall.

3. Do you have any scars? If so, what's the story behind it (them?)?
I have a few. One is a bikini cut scar from the appendectomy I had at 5 years old. One is on my right index finger at exactly where it connects to my hand - while playing in the woods as a child, my friend and I came upon a squirrel that someone had shot to death with BBs for fun. We felt bad for it and wanted to give it a proper burial. We found old broken beer bottles to dig with and while digging into the side of a hill, my hand went in while her hand came down and the beer bottle cut me right to the bone. Oddly, it didn't really hurt - the worst part was the tetanus shot I had to get. On my left index finger is a scar where a parakeet bit me and held on for dear life (this is but one in a string of many reasons why I do NOT like birds!). The last one I'll mention is the big round spot STILL on my left knee from when I fell...this year...in January...like I was a 3 year old...the boo-boo evidence won't seem to go away!

4. What is a food that you like to eat, but others might think it's gross or weird?
Blue crabs? But just about all of MD, DE, VA would not find that gross or weird. Salt and Vinegar chips? My husband thinks I am gross for eating those...and blue crabs too now that I think of it! LOL

5. Have you ever seen a tornado in real life?
I have not and I have a difficult time deciding if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I would like to see one - close enough for it to be neat, far enough that I am not in danger and remote enough that no one gets hurt and nothing gets destroyed. K?

Wordless Wednesday - Babe in Toybox

2010-07-14T16:50:00.000-04:00

Feb 2010

Five Question Friday!

2010-07-02T14:00:00.000-04:00

Five Question Friday with many thanks to My Little Life

1. What is one thing you miss the most about childhood?

Not having to shave my legs, or underarms, or bikini line, etc., etc., etc. I dream about being able to wake up and put on a swim suit without reaching for the razor first.

2. Are you still friends with your friends from high school?

Yes but we are not as close as I wish we were. Geography took its toll on the friendships but I still love them and stay in contact via email and of course Facebook.

3. Is there a catch phrase, cliche, or word that just drives you bonkers every time you hear it?

Not so much one when I hear it but there is one that when I see it I want to beat that someone with an English book. I know not everyone is great at spelling and grammar and I know I mess up plenty but for some reason, seeing someone type "should of, could of, would of, etc." instead of should have, could have, would have just drives me nuts. LOL

4. What is one thing that you think symbolizes America...besides "Old Glory"?

I love seeing 'seasoned' veterans decked out in uniform. The sight of them still looking proud and strong despite their aging selves is such a beautiful thing. That living history awes me and I have the utmost respect and gratefulness.

5. What are your 4th of July weekend plans?

One of my wonderful nieces is visiting from Maryland so we plan to spend lots of time together with Reagan too and play at Sea World and Aquatica and watch fireworks and whatever else we think looks fun. :-)

Happy 4th of July everyone!!!

How I Know She's Mine

2010-07-01T14:19:00.000-04:00

I am fortunate that Reagan and I share similarities in looks. That means that only those we wish to tell will ever know that she became my daughter through adoption. I think that is pretty neat and just confirms what my heart already knows - she was meant to be my child, chosen just for me, delivered in just the right way at just the right time. Sweet perfection.

Here are some other ways that I know she is mine:

* Secret shared squeals and giggles from under the blanket that is over our heads.

* Seemingly thinking the same thing at the same time...and realizing it.

* Morning hellos from her crib with kisses waiting just behind them.

* Those precious few moments when she climbs into my lap and sits very still and allows me to snuggle her. I swear she does that for my benefit - LOL - it always happens just when I need it the most.

* Her love of nakedness - it started with me as a child and spread to my nieces and nephews and now she's picked up that "gene". The children in our family tended to still do this well after modesty was supposed to develop...she'll likely do that same.

* Soccer - she's going to be a soccer star I am sure. After just a few seconds of watching her first ever World Cup game, of actually watching the ball mind you, she went in search of her own ball to kick around the house. She insisted I join in. How I love playing soccer in the house with her! She will follow in the footsteps of her soccer playing cousins.

* The way she looks at me for reassurance when facing a new and intimidating experience. Her eyes seem to lock into mine and my gentle "you're okay" gives her the confidence she needs to relax and move forward. Sometimes she needs a re-check but that's fine with me.

* Her lack of fear - oh boy. I now know exactly what my mother was feeling when I would fearlessly move about the world. I try very hard not to instill fear into her where it isn't necessarily needed. When she climbs up the big slide at the playground, I "casually" hover nearby just in case but allow her to test her own limits. When she stands up proudly (and giggles) inside the baby swing while it's still moving though - that's when I try to get her to feel a healthy amount of fear. I pray she keeps that with her for her whole life and that I am able to teach her some risk mitigation to go along with it.

* The way my heart absolutely melts every single time I look at her or think about her. Now that is true love. :-)

I am so thankful for my beautiful daughter!

Wordless Wednesday - Happy 4th of July!

2010-06-30T16:33:00.000-04:00

Raspberries!!! This was last year. Man they grow fast!

Yes, I am Completely Slacking

2010-06-28T14:10:00.000-04:00

My modem/router at home broke and I'm not really supposed to be posting from work so that is why I've been a little MIA. But, I wanted to get a quick post in today.

Yesterday was CD1 - Hoooray! LOL I know, I know. That is only exciting to other infertiles and women waiting to begin TTC. I was happy because Saturday was CD61 so that was a huge improvement from the last time. I am sticking with the Soy to see if it will help regulate. Trying 240mg on CD 1-5 to see how that goes.

And while I was mostly miserable yesterday, I did take some time to enjoy watching my little skinny dipper have fun time in her little pool. She makes me smile with just the simplest things. :-)

Silly baby!

Splash-a, splash-a!

Pssssst! Another Cool Giveaway

2010-06-18T14:23:00.000-04:00

Hey - anybody who hasn't already needs to head over to LeeAnn's Blog and check out her really cool giveaway. So many adorable items!!! It's part of her Weekend Review. :-)

Five Question Friday

2010-06-18T10:27:00.000-04:00

Today it's time for

Hosted by My Little Life

:-)

1. What is your favorite thing about summertime?
Well, living in Florida it is pretty much summer all year so this at first didn't seem easy to answer. But then I remembered that at the end of July, Reagan and I are going to Ocean City, MD for our second annual extended family trip. Growing up in MD meant many trips to Ocean City and I have such fond memories of those. Before last year, it had been over 15 years since my last fun trip to OC. It was neat because not too much had changed and while driving around I was flooded with fond old memories of fun times there that I didn't realize were still in my brain. Anyway, last summer was Reagan's first summer so I thought that was the perfect time to start going back to OC every year so she could experience it too. It is a fun filled week with Grandmom, aunts and uncles and cousins galore and I can't wait for this year's trip.

2. What is your ideal retirement location (if money didn't matter)?
I'd like to have a cute little cottage on the beach in a somewhat remote area, a cute little farmhouse with lots of land for rescued animals and the ability to travel to visit family at my whim...if money didn't matter. :-)

3. Do you live in the same town you grew up in?
No. I grew up in Catonsville, MD and it was a wonderful place to grow up. It is a suburb of Baltimore but it was more like a cute little quaint town with lots of holiday parades, celebrations and fireworks. I didn't know how lucky I was at the time to grow up there. I left for college at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University and once I saw how great it was to not have to deal with long, cold winters, I was sold on residing in Florida!

4. What nervous habit did you have as a child that you kicked to the curb before becoming an adult?
I don't think I have an answer for this. I cracked my knuckles as a child but still do that. I wanted to keep my pacifier forever but my parents made me give it to Santa when I was 4 so maybe that counts? LOL

5. What is the most embarrassing thing that happened to you while on the job?
That would be replying to someone's email with my true thoughts meant to stay between me and that person and I later see it was forwarded to others. Yeah, it's happened more than once. You'd think I'd learn. I'm working on it. LOL

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-16T11:19:00.000-04:00

At least I can post today. I need to get back to posting!

I think I was more excited than her. Peter Pan!!! My Hero!!!

Papa Moco Jumbie

2010-06-09T14:15:00.000-04:00

So anyone with small children knows that they cause adult exposure to some cool and some not so cool kid songs. On Nick Jr - they do a segment in between shows called Move to the Music. My absolute favorite is the Papa Moco Jumbie song. I frequently walk around singing this song in my head! LOL

Papa Moco Jumbie Video

Lyrics:
It’s carnival time, in my town today

So papa and I get our costumes ready
Oh I cannot wait for everybody to see
When papa stands on his stilts he becomes a Moco Jumbie
My papa’s a Moco Jumbie, stands tall as the eyes can see
I wish I was tall as daddy, he dances to bring harmony
(Come on son dance with me)

I know I may be small, but I wish I was tall
So for the carnival day, I could Moco Jumbie my way
My papa’s a Moco Jumbie, stands tall as the eyes can see
I wish I was tall as daddy, he dances to bring harmony
I know I may be small, but I wish I was tall
So for the carnival day, I could Moco Jumbie my way
My papa’s a Moco Jumbie, stand tall as the eyes can see
I wish I was tall as daddy, he dances to bring harmony
(Come on son dance with me)

And while I may be small, we came up with a way
So for the carnival day, I could Moco Jumbie my way
My papa’s a Moco Jumbie, stands tall as the eyes can see
He dances to bring harmony, and now he's dancing with me
And while I may be small, we came up with a way
So for the carnival day, I can Moco Jumbie my way

Me and my Papa today, dancing down the carnival way.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-09T12:48:00.000-04:00

February 2010

LeeAnn's First Giveaway!

2010-06-08T14:44:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! Go check out my awesome friend LeeAnn's first blog giveaway - My First Giveaway!. This is so cool!

Apology and THE BUG!

2010-06-08T14:35:00.001-04:00

I apologize for slacking on my postings! I was away for a week and haven't had a moment to catch my breath and post. Phew! It was an AWESOME trip and I will have pics and details to post soon. Until then, here is my welcome home to Florida story:

The Bug!
So, bugs in general are nothing more than an annoyance for me – I don’t scream and freak out and run flailing my arms. But BIG bugs and gross bugs give me major heebie jeebies. And flying big gross bugs turn me into a paralyzed screeching 5 year old girl. Yesterday morning when I was getting ready to leave for work I opened the front door and in flew this giant flying cockroach. It had to be bigger than a pterodactyl – I’m sure of it. It looked me straight in the eyes and told me it was coming for me. I almost died I think from heart failure. So we ended up eyeing each other with me whimpering and scared to move and he landed on the wall near the door and started walking up it and OMGOMGOMG I couldn’t think of a safe way out of the situation. My eyes were darting back and forth trying to figure out if there were any weapons in arms reach but I wanted to keep one eye on the nasty creature at all times and I was still scared to move. And dang it – there was nothing. So, since I had frozen, the door was still partially open. I was thinking that there wasn’t even a way to escape outside because I’d have to run RIGHT BY IT! Plus, I didn’t want it wandering around the house where it could attack my baby or build itself a fort from which to attack me later in the day. Just as I was thinking it was hopeless and I’d have to grab the baby and burn the house down, it walked inside the door jamb. A-HA! SLAM! Game, set, match. Take *that* you ugly nasty gross flying cockroach!

New Friend Friday

2010-05-28T11:48:00.001-04:00

Apparently I am going to have a busy blogging day. That is fine. I have slacked a bit and need to kick the postings up a notch. Plus, I really love reading other blogs. :-)

So I have decided to join in on New Friend Friday hosted by The Girl Creative!

I can't wait to meet some new friends!! Have a great day everyone!

Weekend Review - Toddler Fold-Out Couch

2010-05-28T11:35:00.001-04:00

As I was trying to decide what to review this weekend, I thought about things that Reagan really enjoys and I knew I had to review her Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Flip Open Sofa with Slumber. Ta-da!

She LOVES this couch. Just before Easter, Pop-Pop sent some money to buy Reagan gifts. Off to Toys R Us we went and we ended up in the kiddie play furniture aisle. I pulled down all of the versions of this plus a few chairs and let Reagan check them out. She kept going back to the Mickey couch and her choice was made. As soon as we got home she wanted to sit on it. At bedtime she cried buckets because she had to leave her couch. First thing the next morning she was looking for it right away. We knew it was a hit.

She even quickly figured out how to flip open the slumber part but she doesn't yet use the sleeping bag portion of it - she just likes to lounge on top of the built in cover.

What better way to watch Yo Gabba Gabba then from your very own perfectly sized couch. And the best part is that the cover zips completely off for easy washing. That is important with snacks, juice and pets involved.

Ahhh, total relaxation!

The best parts of it from a mom's perspective are: easy to clean, multiple configuration options, soft yet firm foam interior, LOW TO THE GROUND so I don't have to gain any new grey hairs when she happens to tumble off of it. If you are in the market for a great little couch for toddlers, I highly recommend this couch. And, if Mickey isn't your thing, there are other cover options available (Dora, Tinkerbell, Cars, etc.).

Disclaimer: This opinion is my own. I wrote this review without the request of the company. They have not contacted me in any way nor did they supply me with any products. But they can if they want. :-)

Have a product you really love? Join in with the Weekend Review!!!

Five Question Friday

2010-05-28T10:21:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday!!! Woo-hoo! Well this Friday I have decided to join in on Five Question Friday!

If you want to play along too, just head over to My Litte Life and jump on board.

Well, here we go!

1. Is there something you've always wanted to try but just can't muster up the courage to actually do yet?
I am pretty adventurous so fear doesn't stop me from trying most anything. Money does - but usually not fear. I guess the best way for me to answer this question then would be related to life decisions. I would love to start my own small women-owned business to help other small businesses consolidate important tasks that are frequently overlooked or misunderstood with business contracts. I just don't have the courage (yet) to walk away from a steady paycheck and excellent company provided benefits!

2. If you had $100 handed to you in cash without your significant other knowing about it, what would you spend it on?
I'd probably hide it and keep it for an emergency stash. In the end it would get spent on Reagan somehow.
:-)

3. What was your favorite piece of playground equipment as a child?
Just one? Well, if the playground had swings, that was my favorite. Loved to swing as high as I could and then jump off. If there weren't any swings (like at my elementary school), then it was the monkey bars. We'd climb on top of them, hook our feet, bend backwards, grab the underside of the bars and flip ourselves off. Always from the taller set of bars of course.

4. Do you prefer a sweet or hearty breakfast?
I usually don't eat breakfast even though I know I should. When I do though, I prefer sweet.

5. Are you a Neat Freak or a Messy Bessy?
Those that know me well will totally call me out here if I lie so I will tell the truth and confess that I am a Messy Bessy. I absolutely love when I get a chance to make everything clean and organized and I promise myself that *this time* I am going to keep it that way but somehow that never happens and in no time at all it looks like I never cleaned.

Thanks for reading! Weekend Review to show up sometime today too. Have a great holiday weekend.

Cleared to Fly!

2010-05-27T00:04:00.000-04:00

I was starting to get worried about flying to Maryland on Saturday with Reagan having her cold. I spoke to the nurse on Tuesday and she said to bring her in today to get a good once over just to make sure it was just a cold. So this morning off we went to the doctor. Our appointment was with a doctor in the practice that we haven't yet seen and she was great. I really love her pediatrician office - we have seen several doctors there and have loved them all. As is typical of Reagan at the doctor, she sits nice and calm and is extremely cooperative. The doctor was laughing at how easy it was to examine her and called her the best patient ever. I am always so proud of her at the doctor because I know that it can be very scary to have a stranger poking at you but Reagan just seems fascinated by the whole process.

The verdict is that she has a normal cold, a small amount of non-infected fluid in one ear and great drainage of the congestion. So, she is cleared to fly on Saturday!

The other good news is that my tiny girl, just shy of 18 months old, has finally broken the 20 pound mark! LOL She weighed in at around 21 pounds (she was clothed and tried out the big girl scale for the first time so she didn't stand completely still). We'll get a more accurate weight at her upcoming 18 month appointment. Now just because she is finally over the published "magic 20" and over a year old, I will not be turning her carseat forward facing. After viewing this video and little Joel's website, I was easily convinced to keep her rear facing as long as I possibly can (maybe middle school at the rate she gains weight LOL). She honestly doesn't mind it and I'll do anything to keep her as safe as possible.

The final news from the doctor visit was that I was chastised, again, for still having a paci clipped to her clothes. Some of my friends pick on me because I haven't even considered taking it away yet and it has everything to do with the attachment I had to my own pacifier as a small child. I LOVED my "deedee" almost more than Christmas presents. When I was about 3 1/2 my parents decided I had to give mine up so they told me I had to leave it under the Christmas tree for Santa to take to a new baby. They told me that was a condition of getting presents from Santa. To their surprise, I didn't immediately hand it over. It was late in the day before I finally chose presents over my beloved "deedee". I wonder what they would have done if I hadn't handed it over?

Anyway, I am sure a shrink would have a field day with my transferring my paci love to Reagan's paci and when I told the doctor that the attachment was likely more mine than hers, she told Reagan that she should give mommy her paci. And the little stinker picked it up and put it to my face. So thanks Reagan for not having mommy's back. :-) The other discussion involved Reagan not trying to enunciate her words and the doctor said the paci probably played a big role in that. So, to further her development and to save her from being old enough to have the memory of giving up her paci, we will be going to sleep time only after returning from our trip. If she does well with that, we will take it away at nap time and then finally at bed time. Paci - I'll miss you!

No Fun Weekend

2010-05-25T12:27:00.000-04:00

Reagan has her first outright cold. I went on business travel last Monday - Tuesday and it was the first time ever that I was away from her for an entire night. She did fine but I was missing her terribly. To make the mommy-guilt even greater, she started with her first ever outright cold the day that I flew out. She's had minor sicknesses before but never yet like this one. This one is full on nose dripping, sneezing, coughing, off and on low grade fever and some nights of very little sleep. The no sleep thing is awful! I don't know how the mommies of non-sleeping babies do it. I got so lucky with Reagan - she began sleeping through the night at 3 weeks old and before that she did 5 hour shifts at night broken up by a 15 minute feeding session. So sleep deprivation at this point is a new thing.

Anyway, we are getting through the cold and in the interest of trying to help her get better before we fly out on Saturday for a week in Maryland, we stayed home this past weekend and just played around the house. I really hope she gets better this week because I am not looking forward to a plane ride that might hurt her little ears. So, that is our exciting weekend report! LOL

Weekend Review - Fisher-Price Starlight Papasan Cradle Swing

2010-05-21T16:08:00.001-04:00

Hello all! I am joining in with my friend LeeAnn to do a Weekend Review!

The product I am reviewing is the Fisher-Price Starlight Papasan Cradle Swing. As a frequent baby-sitter for many years before I became a mom, I already knew the wonderful things that swings could be. I also knew that standard swings weren't all that great for newborns and didn't look very comfortable to actually nap in because of the seat structure and because the recline never seemed reclined enough. When I came across the FP Starlight swing though, I just knew it had to be great. The seat looked so comfy and supportive to little necks and the recline and features were incredible. Have I mentioned that it plugs in! No worries about batteries (you do have the option though) and no loud winding while the baby is sleeping. When Reagan was very tiny, I would put a nice cushy blanket in the seat, lay her in it, turn on the lights and music and she would instantly be soothed. Another nice feature is the swing can position to swing front to back or side to side. We used the side to side motion most often.

Looking a bit uncomfortable in a standard swing:

Looking much more comfortable in the Fisher-Price Starlight Papasan Swing:

She loved to swing in this swing and watch the light show, listen to the many musical options and watch the mobile circle above her head. The fact that she could be fully reclined with her neck completely supported was the best feature for me. I have since loaned it to a family member for when her daughter was born and will be loaning it to a good friend once her baby is born in October. The swing is just THAT wonderful!

I remember sitting for hours just watching her nap in her swing because she looked so cozy and content. I never felt bad for placing her there because she was safely snuggled with wonderful music and her little eyes would look at the stars and the mobile in complete wonder until she drifted off to sleep. I have heard other moms say that their babies did not enjoy being in their standard swings very much. I bet their babies would have thought much differently if they'd had one of these great swings to enjoy.

Look how happy she is!

We used this swing for a very long time. :-)

Here are the official stats from Fisher-Price:

The comfy-cozy papasan seat and head support cradle baby in cushy comfort as he swings in a side-to-side or front-to-back swinging motion. A sweet little canopy surrounds baby and sways along with the cradle swing’s motion while 8 delightful songs entertain. Baby can also watch stars float all around as they spin overhead. When it’s nap time, mom can play different music—8 additional lullabies and sounds to calm and soothe baby. And with the flick of a switch, there’s a magical starry night light show that projects onto the canopy! Perfect for helping baby float off to dreamland! The cradle features 6 soothing swing speeds and a 2-position reclining seat. Volume control.

Maximum weight: 25 lbs. (11.3 kg)

I highly recommend this swing to any expectant or new mom!

Disclaimer: This opinion is my own. I wrote this review without the request of the company. They have not contacted me in any way nor did they supply me with any products.

This is a Blog Hop! - Since I am not sure how the posting of the tools works - see LeeAnn's Blog for the tools to join in!

Infertility SUCKS!

2010-05-13T11:26:00.000-04:00

It just flat out does. No matter if or how you become a mommy, you always feel the weight of being "broken". A web board friend who I watched go through many a heartwrenching cycle and various treatments is about to deliver her first baby (YAYYYYYYYY!). I follow her blog for updates and was very touched by one of her many posts on infertility. She says it perfectly - the shadow of IF. It sucks! Thanks Lucy for writing this awesome post! And I can't wait to see pictures of Little E after his safe arrival! Congrats!!!!

BEST Mother's Day Weekend EVER!!!

2010-05-10T15:23:00.000-04:00

Ok, so there's only been 2 so far but it really was a fun and great weekend. It started with leaving work a bit early on Friday where I went home, switched cars and took the SUV to get 2 new tires. Should have gotten 4 but I didn't think the others were as worn as they turned out to be so another 2 are in the near future. Anyway, it has been a looooong time coming and I finally just went and did it. Then, I went to Babies R Us where I found the lightweight stroller I want - I have gone back and forth and round and round testing and trying different strollers to try to find one to replace the heavy chunky bulky Chicco Cortina from her travel system and I am so happy to have finally found one I actually like. Unfortunately, I didn't actually talk myself into purchasing it until after I left the store and I ran out of time to go back to get it - I wanted to mull it over some more and now I know it is the one I want. From there I went to Target where I got a new tank top, badly needed new tennis shoes and some socks. I was so proud to cruise through the baby section without making a single purchase! LOL After Target it was off to the Hair Cuttery to chop off all my hair. I have been contemplating a change and finally decided it was time. Over 11 inches was cut and I feel so much better with all that heavy hair gone! From there, picked up Chinese for dinner and home to a shocked husband (he got over it).

I got up early on Saturday to go to the zoo with my good friend LeeAnn and her family. We had lots of fun and Reagan even touched a snake! Grandmom is going to freak out! Grandmom LOOK! Don't you wish you were there to touch it too?!?!? LOL

After the zoo we went to lunch and the girls had a nice chat while relaxing in the rocking chairs - great times with great friends!

From there we went home so Reagan could take a nice long nap and it was off to my friend Janet's for talk about her upcoming wedding and the carnival with her and Joseph. The kids had a fun time and Janet and I watched a cute chick flick after we put the kids to bed. By the time I got home it was after 12:30 - which is very late for me these days (and to think that used to be our starting time! LOL).

Poor Joseph got really scared on the motorcycle ride - the man was nice enough to stop it and let him off.

On Sunday, Reagan slept until 10am. Then she and her daddy made delicious fruit filled crepes for breakfast. YUM!!! We relaxed around the house and played together and had a really fun day just goofing off at home. For dinner Adam made my favorite steak salad and we got a chance to watch the final 2 episodes of Life on Discovery. Too soon the weekend came to an end but what a wonderful weekend it was!

I hope all the mommys in my life had an equally great weekend!

My Paradoxical Child

2010-05-06T16:48:00.004-04:00

This post has been growing in my head for about a week now. I just couldn’t figure out how to put it to words without sounding like I was contradicting myself, or that these thoughts are always at the forefront of my mind, or that I don’t feel like I am a mother. I’m still not sure I can accomplish that but I’m going to try anyway. And I apologize in advance – this is going to be a long one.

First off, a confession. I am sure every mother out there has moments of self-doubt and insecurity and I expected some of the same for myself. What I didn’t expect was how the feeling of rejection might come into play. I mean, seriously, an infant needs a mother for its very existence so how on earth could a mother feel rejected by her child, well at least until the pre-teen stage anyway?! I know the day will come when Reagan will become one of those dreaded teenagers and along with a carefully aimed “I HATE YOU” will come a piercing “YOU’RE NOT EVEN MY REAL MOTHER”. My biggest fear. My largest dread. My worst worry. I hope beyond hope that the first time this happens I can remain calm and show no emotion so as to make her think that phrase has no power and therefore causes her to retire it from her arsenal quickly. Or maybe, maybe, I’ll get lucky and she won’t be one of *those* teens. Maybe.

Anywho, I didn’t expect rejection to come into play until later in her life however I felt it creep in early. She was never a particularly snuggly baby. She liked to be held of course but she also coveted her personal space. And forget cradling her in your arms after the first month or so – she was far too interested in the world beyond to tolerate that. Consequently, my desire to hold her close and snuggle her gently and spend time lounging together was met squarely with her desire to not be held close or snuggled or lounge together. REJECTED! I was reassured by great friends that baby girls tend to not be as snuggly as boys and that some babies are cuddlers and some are not and it had absolutely positively nothing to do with the fact that I did not birth her. A small part of me though, a very fragile part of me, was convinced that was precisely the reason – coupled with the fact that I must have, at some point, or too many times, put her down as a young infant when I should have picked her up. That I should have spent more time rocking her before bed instead of trying to teach her to fall asleep on her own. That I propped her bottle too often for my own selfish convenience when I should have been holding her close and enjoying that holding time. (To be honest, most of the bottle propping was a morning thing to get her fed and me ready for work in a timely manner but still, I feel guilty at times.)

And the kicker – baby in pain. She didn’t seem to need me all that much for comfort – shots at the doctor, bumped head, fingers stuck in a toy – she’d cry, I’d comfort and she’d quickly recover and push me away. It sometimes felt to me like she got over it on her own more so than she drew comfort from my hugs. That small part of me who fears her rejection now has even more evidence to show the big part of me that knows Reagan needs me and loves me and isn’t rejecting me. That big part of me though couldn’t stop me from carefully looking at pictures of other moms with their babies to see if their babies were also poised as if to get away from them.

(I should probably explain here that she had just sat quietly through an hour of church, a half hour of socializing and we were standing next to a Crismon tree that I wouldn’t let her touch)

So, this all leads up to a recent change in Reagan’s behavior. My non-snuggly baby is suddenly a very snuggly child. Huh? Where did THIS come from?! Not that I’m complaining – I am, in fact, completely overjoyed. Sometimes she will seek me out and request to be picked up just so she can snuggle in my lap. When I get her from her crib or pick her up when I get home from work she immediately goes into hug mode saying “ahhhhhh” and patting my back with her tiny little hands. Then comes kisses followed by even more hugs. And my heart melts. Baby in pain? Straight to mommy for hugs and everyone else better get out of her way. Scared baby? The safest feeling place must be mommy’s arms because that is where she takes refuge and is able to remain calm. And the greatest of all – playtime love. When we are playing on the floor, or in her playhouse, or on the couch, she will periodically and spontaneously just stop and reach for me to give and receive hugs and kisses. There is nothing better in the whole world! She loves me, she really, really loves me! (LOL)

The paradox you ask? Yes, well just as my sweet child is becoming more cuddly and affectionate, she is also asserting her independence more in the form of a brand-new-never-before-heard temper-fueled scream. It’s almost as good as fingernails on a chalkboard. Right now it is still new enough for me to find humor in it however I am sure it will get old quickly. I don’t yet have it on video but plan to get some footage soon. And it shows up at the oddest times – she’s never loved getting dressed but she’s never hated it either but sometimes lately, the banshee scream shows up during changing time. Or as mealtime is coming to a close she will feel the urge to let me know – loudly – that she is finished. Toy doesn’t work just right for her and cover your ears! I won’t say I love this behavior but I will say I am thankful that she is becoming her own person and I pray she remains confident enough in herself to always show who she is and what she wants, just perhaps a little more quietly.

And one final thought – she loves the Dora “We Did It” dance and you have to do it with her and at the very end she will reward you with her hand in the air and her impression of Boots saying “Wooooo”. ADORABLE!!!

A Little About Me, A Little About Her

2010-04-26T18:38:00.001-04:00

ME: So today is CD 1, yesterday was CD 189 or something crazy like that, to be honest I had simply stopped counting. This is however the first CD 1 of 2010 for me. For those that don't know about PCOS and keeping detailed track of your menstrual cycle, CD stands for Cycle Day and for "regular" women on a 28 day cycle, they rarely go over CD 28 without running for a pregnancy test. For those of us who are irregular due to PCOS, going past CD 28 is normal. CD 1 is the first day that "Aunt Flo" arrives. For most women most of the time this is nothing discussion worthy. For a PCOS woman who is not on cycle regulating medications, CD 1 is an odd joy - for me it serves as a reminder that my body does know what it is supposed to do occasionally, it is validating of my femininity (which is something that PCOS robs most women of) and yes, it is also a pain. Heck, even the PMS is exciting! (I know, sad) After so much time passing between CD 1s, the cramping associated is practically debilitating. Only good meds help. Thankfully I feel better towards the end of CD 2 so I am looking forward to that. I am not yet ready for the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) since the appointments cost so much money. Instead, I am going to order 100 or so OPKs (ovulation predictor test sticks) and try another Soy cycle. Soy is reported to work like Clomid by tricking your body to think it lacks estrogen which in turn sometimes tricks a PCOS body into ovulating on a somewhat normal schedule. I've done different doses on different CDs with varying success and am now going to try 200mg on CD 1 - 5, use the OPKs every day from CD 6 on and see if it has any effect on my body this time. Depending on my mood, you may or may not see regular updates about it here. Enough about me...

Her: Over the past week Reagan has started a new cute 'trick'. A little background first. Ever since she was first born, every little sneeze was met with a big God Bless You Baby! Beginning around 4 months old or so, when she sneezed she would look expectantly at you waiting for her blessing and grin widely once granted. Very shortly after that, if you didn't bless her quickly enough following a sneeze you got the baby stink eye. It is by far the dirtiest look she gives. Well, she now officially blesses back!! If Daddy, Mommy or any of the dogs or cats sneeze, Reagan offers up a big "Bless". Sometimes she even says it several times just to make sure you received it. It is the most adorable thing and I am so proud that there is evidence of a nice thoughtful lesson having been learned. I love my little Peek-A-Boo!

Aquatica, The Park and More!

2010-04-18T17:51:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we went to Aquatica for the first time this season. We went last year too and her favorite then was the Wave Pool. I would lean her back in her life jacket and sometimes the waves would put her to sleep. This year it was clear she didn't remember much from last year and she had some issues with the Wave Pool this time around - no more lounging on her back. She did have fun going down the baby slides in the baby pool and would 'weeee' the whole way down. After some lunch in the parking lot (good cost savings measure!), we went back into the park for more fun. It was a very fun day with very good friends!

Last weekend we went to Trotwood Park with some other good friends - LeeAnn, her husband Brian and their gorgeous babies. It was a new park for all of us but we all agreed it is a really great park. The kids ran around and climbed and swung and wore themselves out before we all went out to lunch. It was so great to see them and now that Reagan can actually play with Rylie we plan to get together more often.

Rylie and Reagan on the swings

Rylie and Reagan going up the slide

Reagan zonked out by the time we got home

When we aren't at Aquatica or the park, we let Reagan play in her little plastic pool on the front porch. She loves to coax Lily into the pool with her and belly laughs when Lily complies. She gets to play in her own little pool just about every afternoon.

This is going to be a really fun summer!!

Fun Weekend

2010-03-29T19:28:00.002-04:00

We had a great time this weekend despite a Saturday afternoon fever. First thing Saturday morning we were on our way out to our friend Joseph's first ever soccer game - there is nothing better than 3 and 4 year olds chasing a soccer ball! Reagan had a blowout which required a bath and new clothes so we didn't get there until the very end. We then went to the playground on the property and were met up by our little friend Conner. The kids had a blast playing and climbing and running around. At lunch time we all moved to Chick-Fil-A and played on the indoor playground there.

Hi Conner!

Go Joseph!

Woo-hoo!

After we got home, Reagan took a long nap and was up looking for her next adventure. Before long though she only wanted to snuggle with me on the couch. She felt very hot and it turned out she had a 102 fever. It was most likely a delayed reaction to her MMR vaccine because she was otherwise acting normally. Motrin brought it down to 99 within the hour and she was back up to playing. It went back up here and there but seemed to be gone by Sunday morning.

Sunday morning we got up early to get ready for Palm Sunday. It is always a chance that she will act up in church and usually that means filling the silence during silent prayer time. For some reason she just feels like that is the time to speak out - loudly! Thankfully though she was a calm and quiet angel and fell asleep during the sermon. We came home after, had lunch and lots of playtime. She decided Sunday was silly day and had me laughing most of the day with her crazy little antics. It was a wonderful weekend!

Grandmom Will Be Happy...

2010-03-20T22:59:00.000-04:00

My mom has sometimes been referred to as "Imelda", as in Imelda Marcos and the infamous shoe obsession. She used to joke that one day she was going to run off and not tell any or us where she was and we would joke back that we could find her simply by visiting shoe stores. Reagan is displaying signs that she too will have a similar shoe shopping obsession. When I had her in Target this evening she started kicking her feet and whining when she saw shoes. I had to stop and try different pairs on her for her to be happy. When a new pair was put on her feet, she smiled broadly and giggled while holding her foot up and turning it to different angles to admire the shoe. When a pair was taken off she fussed quite loudly until the next pair was placed. I almost called Grandmom for her to hear for herself. We must have tried on shoes for 45 minutes or more before I took my whining child to the checkout line. And yes, Grandmom, she now has a new pair of shoes.

Pretend Play

2010-03-18T22:04:00.000-04:00

It amazes me that a 15 month old can pretend play. She's been doing it for a couple of months now and it just floors me that it starts so young. She will pick up a play phone, real phone or any toy if neither of those are available and put it to her ear and say "Hiiiiii". Then she will hand it to me or Adam and wait for us to "talk" on the phone and if we don't say, "Oh, you want to talk to Reagan, here she is...it's for you Reagan" then she'll keep handing it back to you until you do. Once you comply, she takes the phone back and says, "Hiiiiiii, bladop bfjak lfjdi uiou jbaha dhouo." (tongue moving in and out of her lips to mimic speaking). I have a feeling she is going to want her own personal cell phone by the time she is 3!

Her other favorite pretend game is with her baby dolls. This game makes me happy because I played with baby dolls myself until I was like 14 and continued to get them as gifts well into adulthood! LOL She picks up one of her babies and kisses it on the lips saying 'mmmmwaaa'. Then she hugs it to her body and says 'aaaahhaaa'. Then it's my turn to do the same. Then her turn. Then my turn. Then her turn. Then my turn. And so on. By the time she is done with the game, the poor doll's face is covered in toddler, uh, kisses.

She is so much fun and gets to be more fun and entertaining on a daily basis. I always look forward to what she is going to come up with next!

Crazy Baby

2010-03-17T20:26:00.000-04:00

Reagan can be quite the little thief. She has a sense of what she can have and what she can't have and like any other little one - she wants what she can't have. Last night was an evening of no-no's. For instance, I had forgotten to put up her little airplane ride-on toy. She was watching Gabba while I was finishing up some work on the computer. I looked up to see her doing her ta-da pose again on top of it. Yup, standing on the seat of it with her hands straight up in the air. Her balance is amazing (thank goodness) and I had to sneak over to her in order to get her safely off. Airplane is now put up unless she is being supervised like a hawk.

Since her stunt-mobile was gone she needed to find something else to get into. She came over to me and began reaching for my work area stuff - cell phone, blue tooth, work papers, computer cords, etc. As fast as I could move something out of her reach she would spy something else to try to grab. Then it became a game to see who was faster. I lost. As I moved my computer bag, her hand shot out like a bullet and snatched up an open pen. As soon as she had it in her hand she was scurrying across the room with her prize. The scurry (short, fast steps as she continuously glances over her shoulder with a surprised look on her face) is hilarious and by the time I got to her I was laughing hysterically and she made me laugh even harder by doing effective manuevering to keep the pen away from me. She thought it was funny too and it made it impossible for me to do any kind of stern no about the scenario.

So much for the after shots crankiness and soreness the doctor said she might have. LOL

15 Month Check Up

2010-03-16T15:36:00.002-04:00

Today Reagan had her 15 month check up. Her tiny self weighs 19.5 lbs (5%) and she is 31.12 inches tall (75%). Oh to be tall and thin. LOL Her head circumference is 46.8 (75%). She stayed on the same curves as last time so her doctor is very pleased. When it came time for the exam, Reagan was hilarious. Dr. E kept having to stop to laugh. She said *most* 15 month old exams do not go smoothly due to the emerging little personalities but Reagan was all into it. When Dr. E was listening to her heart and lungs Reagan stayed very still and stared right at her while gently holding the stethoscope tube between her fingers. When Dr. E checked her eyes and nose Reagan leaned right into it as if to give Dr. E a better look. Reagan could not understand why we were laughing because apparently she was being very serious. LOL Dr. E said that Reagan has one of the neatest little personalities and I have to agree. I just cannot get over the level of cooperation with Dr. E because I certainly don't get that level at home from her. :-)

After a clean bill of health it was time for vaccines. Booooo! The vaccines are always very hard for me because I myself have an intense and irrational fear of needles and I don't want her to pick up on that plus it just plain hurts to see your baby cry out in pain. After her 3 vaccines (she got her H1N1 booster finally), she was doing that silent scream trying to catch her breath. Before she could get out a few loud screams though the nurse handed her the tray of stickers. As soon as Reagan saw all those bright shiny stickers her screams stopped immediately without so much as a lingering whimper and she started babbling at the stickers. It was nice to have her over it so quickly. All in all I am very proud of my brave little girl and so thankful that she is healthy.

Growing Up Baby

2010-03-15T19:24:00.019-04:00

Here are several pictures of Reagan's first year.

One Day Old

5 Days Old

2 Weeks Old

3 Weeks Old

4 Weeks Old (just after a bath)

6 Weeks Old

2 Months Old

3 Months Old

4 Months Old

5 Months Old

6 Months Old

7 Months Old

8 Months Old

9 Months Old (first haircut to get rid of the baby mullet)

10 Months Old

(almost) 11 Months Old

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Time to Come Back...Birth Story

2010-03-15T17:48:00.004-04:00

I suppose it is time to find time to get back into this. A good friend of mine is excellent about updating her daily blog so her extended family can follow along in the lives of her two beautiful children and since everyone on my side of the family lives hours upon hours away I suppose I should follow her lead. I have changed the title of my Blog from Quest for a Baby since we have our beautiful daughter. The next several posts will be mingled with others to catch everyone up to date. Below is the birth story of my sweet baby who is now 15 1/2 months old!

Reagan Emily - December 3, 2008 - 3:53 am - 6lbs 4 oz - 19 ½ inches long

Reagan was due November 26th and being the birth mom’s (BM) 3rd baby in 3 years, we were convinced that she was going to be early. Obviously Reagan had other plans. The birth mother spent most of November contracting but never dilating more than 3 cm and the pre-labor always subsided. First we thought her birthday was going to be November 18/19 but the progression of labor stopped and stalled. Then we thought for sure she was coming November 21 because the contractions got to 2 minutes apart and seemed to be staying in a pattern but they too stalled after several hours. So, her due date came and went and we were starting to wonder if she was going to show up on her own.

On December 2nd, the midwife visited the BM and I suggested they strip her membranes to see if that might get things started. Throughout that day the BM contracted a bit harder but not with any consistency and dilated to just below 4 cm. It was anybody’s guess on what would happen next. I spent that evening at home cleaning and organizing and not able to relax. Finally around 1 am when I hadn’t heard anything I decided to go to bed. At 2 am my phone rang and the BF said the contractions were right on top of each other and I should get there quickly.

I jumped straight out of bed and spent a few minutes confused on what I might have forgotten to pack for her before I reassured myself that I had forgotten nothing. I threw my keys at my DH and told him to warm up the car (it was the coldest night of the year to date – down in the high 20s which is very, very cold for Florida). He stood confused asking me why and it took me a few minutes to finally tell him that we were having a baby that night. He kept asking me if I was serious as he ran out to start the car. (He did not attend the birth out of respect for the BM’s personal parts privacy.)

I got settled in at the BP’s house by 2:30 am and the midwife said she had dilated to 7 so labor wasn’t going to stop this time. We all settled in around the bed and talked quietly while the BM labored. Every so often they would check Reagan’s heartbeat and the BM’s blood pressure but overall it was just everyone sitting back. The BM labored very quietly and had herself very relaxed and in a zone and she did her thing. The room was kept quiet and dimly lit and soft music was playing in the background – a very relaxed setting.

At 3:46 am the BM lifted her head and informed us that her water broke. The midwife and her nurse then jumped into action. The nurse checked Reagan’s heart rate again and the midwife checked the amniotic fluid for signs of blood and by the time they finished that, Reagan’s little head was crowned. The BM has delivered all the children very quickly after the water breaks – we joke that the babies surf out. A few pushes later, Reagan was born at 3:53 am. The nurse had me call the birth time which is a nice memory.

Reagan came out with her eyes wide open and a not so happy look on her face. She cried right away but soothed rather quickly even with all the poking and prodding. I got to cut the cord and then she was all wrapped up. The BP’s spent a few minutes with her and Reagan was making it clear that she was hungry so they handed her over to me to feed her a bottle. She took ½ an ounce down rather quickly and snuggled away.

After a bit the midwife repeated her Apgar (10 again!) and gave her the Vitamin K shot and the eye antibiotics. Then she got her first bath and I dressed her in her first outfit. We hung around for a bit and then at 4 ½ hours old I brought her home to meet her Daddy – who has been wrapped around her little fingers from that first moment and both of us are completely in love with this beautiful little person.

The most amazing part of all this is how much my heart knows that this is the child I was meant to have. I always knew I would love an adopted child just as much as a bio child and I never doubted our decision to adopt but I did not know of this entire other, deeper, more intense level of feeling of that place waiting in my heart that matched her precisely and how powerfully right and good it feels to have her as my child. We are just so unbelievably blessed and forever grateful for the wonderful gift her birth parents have given us.

Exciting News!!!

2008-10-16T20:21:00.004-04:00

Well today I attended the sonogram of the birth mother who has chosen to place her child with us for adoption. The baby is due November 26th and we are so excited! The sonogram showed a perfectly healthy baby GIRL! Well, the sonogram tech is 90% sure it is a girl because her foot kept getting in the way but none of us saw any boy parts so we are going with girl. LOL Her name will be Reagan Emily and we can't wait for her to join our family. We do plan to continue our TTC efforts so we can hopefully give her a brother or a sister! Updates are sure to come. :-)

UPDATED TO ADD SONOGRAM PICS (original post 10/16/08)

Profile

Nose/Lips

It's a Girl!

Things People Say...

2008-07-22T09:46:00.003-04:00

I have shared the following items with several close friends and family and thought I'd put them up on the blog for other folks to see. Innocent comments and genuine showings of support can become more hurtful than helpful at times so it's nice to be able to put a little perspective into things. I've never felt as though anyone said hurtful things on purpose because I do understand that most things in life just aren't fully comprehensable unless you've been there and done that. So, to give a little peek into things infertile couples hear often that just aren't helpful, here is a compilation of things gleaned from the internet.

Comments Infertile Couples Hate to Hear

Guess who's pregnant--again!
It will happen when you're ready.
So-and-so prayed, and they got pregnant right away.
You're being too sensitive, or, Maybe you're not meant to have children, or, Just accept it and go on, or, Stop crying, or, We all have problems.
Do you want me to give you a few pointers? (ha, ha!). Are you sure you know how babies are made?
I get pregnant so easily! My husband just looks at me and a baby is on the way.
You're lucky you don't have kids, or, Why do you want them, anyway?, or, I'll gladly give you a couple of mine, or, You don't know how nice you have it--your house never gets dirty.
You're not getting any younger, or, When are you going to have kids, anyway?, or, Are you really so selfish that you don't want any children?
Adopt! You'll get pregnant for sure.
Just relax! You're trying too hard. Stress is bad. (Or, Take a cruise or go on vacation.)

Things that people would NEVER say to a parapalegic but they DO say to people trying to conceive.

As soon as you buy a wheelchair I bet you will walk again.
My cousin is paralyzed, but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
I guess God just didn't mean for you to be able to walk.
Oh, I know exactly how you feel. I have an ingrown toenail.
Boy, I wish I were paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, if I were paralyzed I wouldn't have to walk anywhere.
Sorry, we don't cover that treatment because it isn't a life threatening illness.
You're so lucky...Think of the money you save on shoes!
I hope you don't go on those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
Look at those people hiking...doesn't that make you want to hike?
Do you want to rub my legs? That might help you walk and give you luck.
Take a vacation and you'll walk!
I ran a marathon and won. Let me tell you all about it and show you my medal and tell you how much everyone is doting on me.
You are just too worried about walking, it's all in your head!!If you stop thinking about it so much, it will happen.

Things We Wish You Knew
*adapted from the American RESOLVE web site

That it is probably the most devastating thing that we will ever experience
That it ruins our self-esteem
That it affects our relationships with everyone that we know
That it interferes with our day to day functioning
That the medications make us moody and emotional and cause us to gain weight
That it makes us feel violated
That it is very expensive to go through treatment and/or to adopt
That it is emotionally draining
That it changes our lives forever-we will never again be the same people that we once were
That people experiencing infertility have depression rates that are equal to those experiencing cancer
That it is a life-altering experience
That it makes us question everything we ever believed in
That these are medical issues, not lifestyle issues. Talk to us as you would someone who has heart disease, diabetes, or any other medical condition. Be a sounding board for the tests, results, side effects, etc of the treatments. NEVER suggest relaxing or having sex more often
Realize that a pregnancy that results from infertility is not the same as others. Infertile couples may have a hard time easing up and enjoying their pregnancy. After being used to receiving disappointment, pregnancy is not yet the end of the road
Even though your intentions are good, you will probably say something that is offensive to us because this is such a sensitive subject
No matter how close the friendship, it will be hard to completely connect with fertile friends.There is always something there that others cannot understand, even when you do try so hard to empathize
Infertility affects all aspects of your life and the pain is inescapable. You are confronted with it at work, at the mall, walking down your street, on television, with family and friends when they don't even know it. Kids are life's common denominator. When you can't participate in these conversations (and they are everywhere) you just don't fit in anywhere-
Baby showers are one of the most painful events that we can be asked to attend
In this day and age people need to be more cognitive that some people may want kids and are having trouble and some people may not want children for certain reasons. It is not up to family/friends to provide a running commentary on the issue. You never know the situation of the person you are talking to (some people are not open about their infertility treatments) so it's better to err on the side of caution and not make a lot of pregnancy comments/questions
To remember that if I am acting mad at times, I am not mad at you, I am mad at my life
That I will talk about things that are happening with my treatment when I am ready
It's hard to know what I will be doing next. If there were a script, it would be easier to predict the future, but everyone is different.
That unless you have done what I've done and been through what I have been through, you can't possibly know how I feel and can't possibly know what to tell me to do about the pain and frustration that infertility brings.
That I will be okay again, but I don't know when. So when I seem okay, just accept that as a good thing for the moment, and don't press me, because I don't know how long the feeling okay again thing will last.
Going through infertility is like being on a roller coaster-there are constant ups and downs and surprising drops. We never know what is around the next curve and work very hard to just stay fastened in our seats.
Infertility is a journey that will take us to many places we never thought of or knew about and it will shape us into new people (some of our newness will be good and some will not be) and change how we look at and deal with everything in our lives. Once you've been on this journey you are never the same again.
That the sadness that accompanies infertility sometimes comes unexpectedly and at the most awkward moments. I wish I could plan my depression! But unfortunately, it just doesn't work out like that. Of course, these moments come when I'm surrounded by other people-- watching TV with a group and you see a commercial with a couple holding a baby-- totally unrelated to parenting, pregnancy or whatever, but it's just the image that is devastating.
For me (as I'm sure it is for a lot of people experiencing infertility) the greatest fear is that I will never have a child. Each failed treatment cycle, especially as your treatment gets more high-tech, makes this fear even larger. If we could just somehow know that we would have a child, a lot of the stress would be alleviated.
I wish family and friends could understand why holidays, baby showers, and just hearing about or being around other people's children and pregnant woman, can be so hard sometimes.
That medical treatments are very painful, emotionally and physically.
That infertility is a degrading experience-we often feel like failures, like our bodies are not our own, like everyone in the world has touched us, and most especially that the most private part of our lives (our physical relationship with our spouse) has been completely invaded.
That infertility treatment is very clinical and definitely is not "fun".
That treatment cycles move very slowly, so try to be patient.
That we are at the mercy of the medical world.
That grief is a VERY important part of the healing process for us- please let us be sad when we need to be. We have to mourn our losses.

My Story

2008-07-08T18:58:00.001-04:00

My name is Dawn and I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is an endocrine disorder that affects many aspects of my body. Among them are insulin resistance (which can lead to diabetes), dark, coarse hair in places it does not belong, difficulty losing any amount of excess weight, irritable bowel syndrome, hormonal imbalances and lack of ovulation. I've had this disorder all my life and have been able to deal with most of the symptoms without allowing any of them to take over my life. Until now. I always knew that getting pregnant would be a challenge for me however I never realized just how much of a challenge it would turn out to be.

My husband and I began dating in January of 2000. After we fell in love, we stopped using any form of birth control in the hopes that things might happen without medical intervention. We were married in January of 2006 and in March started seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) to help us have our baby. We went through many, many tests and procedures and it was confirmed that the problem lies solely with me.

Fertility treatments are varied and always begin with the least aggressive methods first. It is a very scary, exciting, overwhelming, confusing and heartbreaking process. It is also very expensive. Our health insurance covers diagnostic testing but no treatments. All treatments are therefore out of pocket for us.

The early cycles went like this - at the start of my period I would call the doctor for an appointment. I'd go in for an internal ultrasound to check the state of my ovaries. This consisted of me lying on the exam table with my feet in the stirrups and the ultrasound technician inserting a large wand into my vagina and maneuvering it around to get pictures of both of my ovaries. Not a comfortable procedure at all. Once it was determined that I did not have any large cysts to be concerned about, I would receive a prescription for Clomid to help induce ovulation. I would take the Clomid for 5 days and experience terrible side effects. The Clomid gave me awful headaches and caused drastic mood swings to where I would actually feel like I might lose my mind completely. I'd then go to the bathroom every day at lunchtime to test for the onset of ovulation using Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs) - basically a strip of paper you pee on and watch for colored lines. For women without PCOS, the OPKs are simple and easy to read. The color of the lines match (positive test) when ovulation is about to occur or they don't when ovulation is not yet ready to occur. For women with PCOS, the hormonal imbalances make them very difficult to interpret. PCOS women can get a positive reading for days at a time without ovulation actually occurring due to the unreliable levels of certain hormones in our bodies. The stress I would feel trying to intrepret those tests would have me in tears.

After a potential positive OPK, I would inform my husband that we had to "Baby Dance" every day for the next few days - or at least until the OPKs were definately negative. Now this may sound fine but have you ever had sex on a schedule for days at a time? It takes the fun and romance right out of it. Try it some time and see what I mean. After a few months of this, my husband began to feel like he was only being used for his sperm. The rest of my cycle was so preoccupied with other events that the only time we were ever intimate was when I might be ovulating.

After ovulation occurred, the hope would start. And so would the waiting. A positive pregnancy test takes about 2 weeks after ovulation to be accurate. So for two weeks I would wait and dream and plan for the baby that might be. I would get on pregnancy websites and calculate due dates, pregnancy milestones and contemplate whether it would be a boy or a girl. I would picture how exciting it would be at the first ultrasound, the anatomy scan, the delivery and holding our precious baby in my arms for the first time. I'd wonder if it would look more like me or more like him. I'd picture the day I no longer had to worry if I'd ever be a mommy or not. Every tiny feeling in my body would have me speculating about whether it was a pregnancy symptom or not. I'd examine my body in detail to see if I could see any outward signs. Then the day of the test would arrive.

I'd wake up early and apprehensive but excited. I'd gather the timer and the pregnancy test and carefully follow the directions. Then I'd test and stare at the timer while praying the test would be positive but scared that it wasn't. Then I'd look and see that it was undeniably negative. The pain and disappointment is truly unimaginable to anyone who has never struggled with infertility. The beautiful baby I'd imagined for those two weeks and created a life for in my head was gone and replaced by tears, anguish and the ever present fear that I will never have a child. It is literally a mourning process that takes place and the sadness runs so deep and makes my husband feel powerless to help me. Then the waiting for a period begins to start the process all over again. Month after month after month, hopes and dreams are created only to be crushed with a single negative pregnancy test.

After Clomid failed to produce a successful pregnancy I was switched to Femara and the more aggressive treatment of Intra-Uterine Inseminations (IUIs). The Femara with IUI cycles began exactly the same as the Clomid cycles except the side effects of the Femara medication did not exist. But new twists and stresses were added. The IUIs consist of my husband producing a sperm sample a few hours before the procedure is scheduled. Let me tell you how thrilled he was to have to do this. Infertility and treatments can be very humiliating to both partners. The doctors take the sample and "wash" the semen away to leave only the sperm. The sperm are analyzed and added to a sterile solution for insertion into my uterus via a long catheter. I once again am placed on the exam table with my feet in stirrups while the doctor inserts the catheter through my cervix and injects the sperm. Then the 2 weeks of waiting starts all over again with its associated hopes and dreams and apprehensions and fears.

But with the IUIs, the first part of the cycle is just as stressful as waiting to test. For an IUI to be successful, it must be timed precisely within 24 hours of ovulation. Remember above when I described the difficulty with interpreting the OPKs? Well now the stakes are higher because we have only one chance per cycle to get it right. So each month, I stood in the bathroom and cried while trying to decide if it was really positive or not or if I should wait another day to see if the next day's test might look "more" positive.

After a few months of negative pregnancy tests and mid-cycle stress, my RE decided to bypass the OPKs and use the medication Ovidrel to force ovulation at a precise time. Ovidrel is an injection to the stomach and anyone who knows me knows how unrealistically terrified I am of needles. After switching to Ovidrel, the stress of the OPKs was gone but replaced with the stress of an impending injection. Also added to the cycle were mid-cycle internal ultrasounds to see how many eggs were growing and how big they were. The eggs have to be a certain size to be considered mature enough to be triggered for release with the Ovidrel. Typically for me the eggs were not mature enough at the first scan so I would have to return in a few days for a repeat scan. Once the eggs were mature enough, my husband would inject me that evening with the Ovidrel and the IUI would be scheduled for the early afternoon of the 2nd day. Then again, the two week wait full of dreams, hopes, fears and plans.

At the end of January 2008 I finally got a positive pregnancy test. I was so happy and so shocked to finally be pregnant after almost 2 long years of treatments and disappointments. I rushed to the doctor's office for a blood test to measure my Beta level (pregnancy hormone) and it was an 88. The number was low but not out of the range so the doctor was a little bit concerned for me. I repeated the blood test in 2 days to see if the Beta number doubled as it should in a normally progressing pregnancy and it was only 106. At that time it was pretty certain that the pregnancy was not going to proceed as normal. The next Beta 2 days after that showed a drop to 60 which indicated that I was going to be having a very early miscarriage. I was devastated.

I would have been due on October 9, 2008. By now I would have already known if it was a boy or a girl. I'd be showing a big pregnancy belly and beginning to waddle. The baby would be viable now in the event of early labor. My husband and I would be able to feel the baby kick and move inside me. We'd be decorating a nursery and choosing the perfect name. We'd be taking classes and touring the hospital. We'd be able to relax and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy without too many fears of something going wrong.

Instead I sit here with an empty womb and my heart aches. I sit here completely frustrated and terrified that I will never have a child to call my own.

My last treatment was in March and it was unsuccessful. We haven't done any since because we have run out of money for the treatments and need time to save more again. Each cycle of the IUIs cost us almost $800. My doctor is ready to move me on to the even more aggressive (and much more expensive) treatment of injectible ovulation stimulation medication with IUIs and I am not even afraid of the every other day injections. The injectible medication alone will cost over $500 per cycle plus there is additional monitoring and testing required while using injectibles so there are extra doctor visit costs and extra procedure costs. For a single injectible cycle we are looking at about $2,000.

Many people have asked that if we can't afford the fertility treatments then how will we afford a child. We know that raising a child is expensive but most people don't need to spend their life savings in order to get pregnant and it is incredibly unfair to me that crack addicts with no means of support can have babies yet we have gone broke trying to get pregnant and still have no baby. We WILL afford a child should we ever be lucky enough to have one. I just hope that day comes soon.

This is my story and I thank you for reading. I will be posting my thoughts and details of our journey as things move forward.

** Born From My Heart

Where Has the Time Gone?! Birth Story - Finally!

Pictures, Pictures and More Pictures

FINALLY Bought a Carrier...

Wordless Wednesday - Sibling Love

He's Here!!!

Dear Baby: Today is your Due Date!

I Rocked My Baby Last Night...

39 Weeks Today!

38 Weeks Today!!!

5 Question Friday

Any Special Needs Kids Resale Equipment?

Want to Blog Hop?!

Any Day Now!!!

National Infertility Awareness Week - Myth Busting All Over the Place!!

5 Question Friday - The Weekend is Here!! Woohoo!

36 Weeks Today! - Registry Info as Requested

5 Question Friday - Weekend Plans

I am SO glad to see THIS!

5 Question Friday and PETA Response

Really PETA?

I think he might have a name soon.

Future Decisions

Unexpected Expenses Stink!

Do You *HAVE* to Name a Baby?

Opposites!

Psssssst.....Wanna hear a secret?

Five Question Friday!

Mother vs "Real Mother" vs Adoptive Mother

Updates and New News

Cool Giveaway!!!

HELP! Being Foiled

Primeval Food Instincts

SANTA!

2 Year Pictures Sneak Peak

Five Question Friday - 12/17/10

Reagan's 2 Year Check-Up

Wordless Wednesday - 2 Years Ago Today-ish

The Great Santa Debate

Coming Soon...2 Year Old Pictures!

Never Ceases to Amaze...

Saturday Play Date - Stinky Toes!

(Just Over) A Year Ago

Wordless Wednesday - Need a Cat? She Needs a Home

How She Got Her Name

Five Question Friday - October !

Favorite TV Shows

Wordless Wednesday - Nap Time!

To Paci...Or Not To Paci

Five Question Friday - TGIF!

TAG! You're It!

Wordless Wednesday - Back Seat Driver

How to Eat Corn

Another's Hope for a Child

Help Received! and Sick Baby

Help Wanted!

Five Question Friday and Chick-Fil-A Story

Wordless Wednesday - Mini-Potato

Summer Recap - Magic Kingdom - Sept 1, 2010

Ewww - Germs!

Awesome Saturday!

5QF!

PCOS is Weird

Angel's Journey

Wordless Wednesday - Wanna Race?

Five Question Friday

Heart Whispers

Five Question Friday

Wordless Wednesday - Babe in Toybox

Five Question Friday!

How I Know She's Mine

Wordless Wednesday - Happy 4th of July!

Yes, I am Completely Slacking

Pssssst! Another Cool Giveaway

Five Question Friday

Wordless Wednesday

Papa Moco Jumbie

Wordless Wednesday

LeeAnn's First Giveaway!

Apology and THE BUG!

Do You HAVE to Name a Baby?